Stroke, slurp and suck your way to pleasure
Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, a Toronto-based sexologist with
a Ph.D. in human sexuality, hosts all kinds of workshops
on everything from communication to secrets of
successful couples to great sex. She had plenty of
juicy oral sex tips to share – after all, she did write
an entire book on the subject: Hot Sex Tips, Tricks,
and Licks: Sizzling Touch and Tongue Techniques for
Amazing Orgasms.
Her book offers around 100 tips and techniques, but “there are no ‘must-dos,’” she said. “There is no sexual bucket list – every person is different.” Hot Sex Tips, Tricks, and Licks offers ideas to inspire people, but “you’re not going to love every single one of them. You have to read it and make them your own and see what works for you.”
If you want to give good oral sex, it really boils down to four things: communication, enthusiasm, lube and variety. “Variety is so important, especially if you’re in a relationship, because our brains go into autopilot if we become accustomed to patterns and predictability,” O’Reilly said. Change up your moves to awaken your partner’s prefrontal cortex so he or she is paying attention instead of predicting what will come next.
If you’re going down on a penis, O’Reilly recommended using lots and lots of lube – try chocolate- or fruit-flavoured lube to sweeten the experience – and your hands. “Attach your hands to your mouth so that it feels like you’re going deeper; use your breath to really trick the penis into thinking that your hands are a part of your mouth,” she said. “On the way down, make sure your hands are really, really warm and really, really wet. Breathe heavily as you approach the head of his penis so that it feels like your hands are a part of your mouth.”
For a vulva, start on the outside. “The clitoral complex is not just that little bump at the top where the labia meet. The clitoral complex has 18 parts, and the big, huge clitoris underlies the vulva. It’s really cool!” O’Reilly said. “That’s why most women orgasm from rubbing and grinding, not from having things poked inside them. Work on the outside.”
She calls her best move ‘the pussy pocket.’ “Your palm goes on her Venus mound (the pubic bone) and your fingers fold over to cover her vulva, and you just rub or pulse or undulate your fingers, and then you can slide your mouth in there at the same time.”
Before you dive in, though, you’ve got to practice. “If it’s your first time doing these moves, I really suggest you do it on an inanimate object first, because then you’re not too hung up on technique or worrying about performance pressure; you’re focused on getting used to it,” O’Reilly said. She suggested using your hand to practice for a vulva and a carrot for a penis.
Once you get started on the real thing, “Physically, your muscle memory will kick in if you’ve done something dozens or hundreds of times,” she said.
If you’re exploring a new partner, or if you’re trying to spice things up with a longer-term lover, “Use dirty talk to find out what your partner wants,” suggested O’Reilly. “Make it a part of your dirty talk routine, like, ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘Right there?’ Put your partner’s hand on your head and let them show you where to lick or suck or kiss.”
When someone’s going down on you, focus on what feels good – this may take some solo practice. “Whatever turns you on will bring out the genuine side of your sexual response that turns on your partner,” said O’Reilly. If you’re familiar with your own body, you’ll be able to properly direct your partner to ensure maximum fun.
Just like with penetrative sex, there are health risks to consider. The Middlesex London Health Unit cautions that, though it is considered a “low risk” sexual activity, it is possible to spread Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes, Syphilis and HIV through oral sex. Your risk of spreading or contracting a disease is increased if you have small cuts or sores in your mouth (such as from dental work or from vigorous flossing or brushing), if the woman receiving oral sex is on her period, or by holding a bodily fluid (such as vaginal fluid, menstrual blood or semen) in your mouth for a long time.
To protect yourself and your partner, use protection when performing oral sex. Use a flavoured condom on a penis, and use a dental dam or kitchen wrap on a vagina or on the anus. For more information, check out healthunit.com/oral-sex.
For more information on Dr. O’Reilly, go to SexWithDrJess.com.
Her book offers around 100 tips and techniques, but “there are no ‘must-dos,’” she said. “There is no sexual bucket list – every person is different.” Hot Sex Tips, Tricks, and Licks offers ideas to inspire people, but “you’re not going to love every single one of them. You have to read it and make them your own and see what works for you.”
If you want to give good oral sex, it really boils down to four things: communication, enthusiasm, lube and variety. “Variety is so important, especially if you’re in a relationship, because our brains go into autopilot if we become accustomed to patterns and predictability,” O’Reilly said. Change up your moves to awaken your partner’s prefrontal cortex so he or she is paying attention instead of predicting what will come next.
If you’re going down on a penis, O’Reilly recommended using lots and lots of lube – try chocolate- or fruit-flavoured lube to sweeten the experience – and your hands. “Attach your hands to your mouth so that it feels like you’re going deeper; use your breath to really trick the penis into thinking that your hands are a part of your mouth,” she said. “On the way down, make sure your hands are really, really warm and really, really wet. Breathe heavily as you approach the head of his penis so that it feels like your hands are a part of your mouth.”
For a vulva, start on the outside. “The clitoral complex is not just that little bump at the top where the labia meet. The clitoral complex has 18 parts, and the big, huge clitoris underlies the vulva. It’s really cool!” O’Reilly said. “That’s why most women orgasm from rubbing and grinding, not from having things poked inside them. Work on the outside.”
She calls her best move ‘the pussy pocket.’ “Your palm goes on her Venus mound (the pubic bone) and your fingers fold over to cover her vulva, and you just rub or pulse or undulate your fingers, and then you can slide your mouth in there at the same time.”
Before you dive in, though, you’ve got to practice. “If it’s your first time doing these moves, I really suggest you do it on an inanimate object first, because then you’re not too hung up on technique or worrying about performance pressure; you’re focused on getting used to it,” O’Reilly said. She suggested using your hand to practice for a vulva and a carrot for a penis.
Once you get started on the real thing, “Physically, your muscle memory will kick in if you’ve done something dozens or hundreds of times,” she said.
If you’re exploring a new partner, or if you’re trying to spice things up with a longer-term lover, “Use dirty talk to find out what your partner wants,” suggested O’Reilly. “Make it a part of your dirty talk routine, like, ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘Right there?’ Put your partner’s hand on your head and let them show you where to lick or suck or kiss.”
When someone’s going down on you, focus on what feels good – this may take some solo practice. “Whatever turns you on will bring out the genuine side of your sexual response that turns on your partner,” said O’Reilly. If you’re familiar with your own body, you’ll be able to properly direct your partner to ensure maximum fun.
Just like with penetrative sex, there are health risks to consider. The Middlesex London Health Unit cautions that, though it is considered a “low risk” sexual activity, it is possible to spread Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes, Syphilis and HIV through oral sex. Your risk of spreading or contracting a disease is increased if you have small cuts or sores in your mouth (such as from dental work or from vigorous flossing or brushing), if the woman receiving oral sex is on her period, or by holding a bodily fluid (such as vaginal fluid, menstrual blood or semen) in your mouth for a long time.
To protect yourself and your partner, use protection when performing oral sex. Use a flavoured condom on a penis, and use a dental dam or kitchen wrap on a vagina or on the anus. For more information, check out healthunit.com/oral-sex.
For more information on Dr. O’Reilly, go to SexWithDrJess.com.
