CREDIT: LIONSGATE (2015)
From the two minutes of the opening credits on, Dirty Grandpa demonstrates everything you should never do in fi lmmaking and in life.

Well, it’s happened. Just when you thought Hollywood had reached its bigoted, misogynistic peak, a new movie comes along and proves you depressingly wrong. That movie is Dirty Grandpa, a film that has reached new heights on Crap Mountain, comparable only to Jack & Jill and the worst of old Disney cartoons.

The movie focuses on a road trip taken by Robert De Niro and Zac Efron, who, as wealthy white men, can of course do no wrong. Surrounding them is a cast of completely one-dimensional characters, with all the old favourites. Heartless, demanding bitch character, unrepentant slut character, pretty girl-next-door, incompetent cops, African-American thugs and a bitchy gay man who only exists as a plot device.

Every single one of these characters is extremely problematic and never looked at beyond their ridiculous stereotypes. The worst offender is Efron’s character who embodies the repressed lawyer/Gary Lou character perfectly. For some reason, the audience is expected to sympathize with this character at all times, even when he is justifiably imprisoned for using illegal drugs and public nudity.

The fact that Dirty Grandpa showed the audience literally any consequences at all to certain actions is almost impressive, considering the complete lack of any negatives to heavy drug use and unprotected sex. One day with the “party till you’re pregnant” style these characters have could see you overdosing and dead at worst, with puss-oozing, sore-covered genitals at best.

In fact, it’s probably best to never ever do anything that any of the characters in this movie do. Whether the rampant sexual harassment by De Niro, or the dismissal of all women who have boyfriends by Efron (who is engaged for the entirety of the movie), literally no moment in the film is a good, mature or even remotely intelligent life choice. Instead we watch conceited jerk Efron act persecuted while treating everyone around him like crap and De Niro secretly be a good guy, while having no redeemable qualities.

Not only are the characters beyond terrible and the plot written with all the skill of a literal pile of crap, the movie’s direction and editing are also truly awful. Scenes go on either too long or too short, making the pacing awkward and uncomfortable. Music cuts in and out at random, occasionally in the middle of a chorus and before the next scene actually starts. The movie flips back and forth between credits and the main action both at the beginning and end because people really want the audience to know they’re associated with this garbage.

Dirty Grandpa, in what is nothing but a waste of everyone’s time, shows the audience exactly everything wrong with modern Hollywood. With how obvious the sexism and racism are in the film, one could almost interpret it as a thought experiment on everything wrong with modern society. Sadly, that would be giving everyone involved far too much credit.