Seven suckers in shittier situations

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A break up on Valentine’s Day is one of the most gut-wrenching and despicable things that a person can do to their partner. However, it’s not the most immoral thing that’s ever been thought up. To help you feel better about your situation, here are a couple of movies whose characters have it far worse than you do. Just to put things in perspective.

The Saw series (2004 – 2010)

It doesn’t matter how scathing your final fight was, at least no one had to crawl into a furnace or climb a ladder of razorblades. When you think of all the time wasted and all the things you gave up to be with them, remember that you didn’t have to give up five pints of blood while sawing your arm from finger to elbow.

The Purge series (2013 – 2016)

Along the same lines as Gone Girl, you might feel that your ex deserves harsher consequences than you were able to dole out. You might even go so far as to wish certain laws didn’t exist so you could cause them the same amount of pain they caused you. Be careful what you wish for because your ex might feel the same way, and you could wind up as one of the many fatalities in The Purge. It sucks that you can’t seek out revenge but at least you don’t need to spend thousands of dollars to protect your house during the annual anarchy.

Gone Girl (2014)

In every break up there tends to be two sides to the story. You have one story, your partner has another and certain people might hate you because of lies they were told. It sucks when someone turns their back on you because of an ex’s slander, but at least that ex didn’t just frame you for murder. When watching this movie please remember it’s supposed to be a therapeutic experience and not a brainstorming session.

The Thing (1982)

At the end of a relationship, it might feel that your ex has become an entirely different person. You have no idea who this new bitter and argumentative individual is but at least you know that they’re still human. In The Thing, the monster is able to take the shape of its victims after brutally murdering and often eating them. Your ex might be a different person but at least they won’t bite your hands off to take your form.

Jaws (1975)

After a break up you might feel a little isolated or stranded, but thanks to technology getting help or finding company is usually just a phone call away. While the poor fellows in Jaws have to worry about becoming dinner for a particularly relentless shark, you just have to keep a phone charged. Bonus points for not getting sea sickness.

Any zombie apocalypse movie ever made

Seriously, this doesn’t even need justification. You might feel dead inside but at least there’s not the literal un-dead standing outside. Even some of the happier zombie movies like Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland have some fairly unfortunate happenings. No one gets off scot-free in a zombie apocalypse, so be thankful your neighbour is still human.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)

Often the root cause of a break up is miscommunication. People often misinterpret things and sometimes accidents don’t always seem so accidental. At least none of those accidents have resulted in someone running head first into a wood chipper. For a couple of laymen, Tucker and Dale get misconstrued as some nasty people by a group of teens that accidentally create some perilous circumstances for themselves.

Some of the movies on this list have been pretty dark so it makes sense that the end of your movie marathon should be a comedy, even if it’s one of the darkest comedies to come out in a while.