I, like many others, must rely on London Transit to safely deliver me to campus and back home. Early on I made the mistake of believing that the buses frequently arrive when they are supposed to and have had to resort to waking up very early for the bus to ensure my timely arrival. The problem with waking up - as basic logic would have us believe - is that it means you aren't asleep, ergo leading to my fatigue.

So there I was, the sun just peaking over the horizon, the cling of autumn's chill crawling up my spine and enervation's heavy hands pulling the lids of my eyes downward. Understandably, I decided that I needed a little pep. Thus, my journey begins.

I entered a convenience store in search of anything with caffeine. I lazily dragged my soles across the tiles looking distantly at the endless rows of energy drinks when something caught my eye. A flash of crimson sparked just within my peripheral vision, I had to do a double take to see if what I saw was real or just a specter my mind created, delirious with its lack of slumber. No, my intuition had not steered me wrong; the sight I beheld surely existed.

I ripped open the fridge door, clutched the red can and drew it free from the cooler as Arthur once did for Excalibur. I raised my can of Full Throttle: Fury into the sky and felt an omnipotent force surge through me. Those around me stood in wonder at the pillar of light that descended slowly from the heavens and encased me in its alabaster glow.

I marched with pride to the desk and confidently reached into my pockets for the three dollars and twenty-six cents that would grant me this miracle. With an eager, childlike grin I could barely contain my excitement. I'd had Full Throttle before, but this was no ordinary Full Throttle energy drink; this one was called Fury.

The can hissed as the carbon escaped from the tiny slit I made as I flicked the tab forward, a rush of inexplicable anticipation burned through me. Soon I would experience all the fury Coke had been holding back from humanity until this moment. I drew the can to my lips. I could feel the bubbles leaping upwards and dancing across my mouth.

I envisioned myself being encased in a blazing inferno, my muscles ballooning outwards, black wings of iron sprouting from my spine. I would receive the dark gift that would surely be bestowed upon me for taking in this incredible life serum. A single tear of joy slid down my cheek and fell to the floor beneath me. Soon the drink would charge and energize my soul and grant me the eternal power I so craved.

However, after I sucked back the first gulp, disappointment struck me like a tidal wave; no transformation had occurred. Surely the shift would take time, or perhaps it required consumption of the entire beverage. Yes, surely it would occur after I introduce the whole potion to my system. I'd soon be terrorizing country folk the world over.

Yet nothing happened. This “Full Throttle: Fury” offered nothing more than the same melted candy wrapper taste and ominous heart pains that all energy drinks offer. The only difference was the slight reddish tint that may or may not have come from dissolved copper.

This didn't make sense. I reviewed the facts. The drink's very name was Fury, implying that the drinker would be engulfed in flames, witness an explosion of muscular fortitude and grow wings of iron. I deduced that perhaps I was unaware of the transformation in me and struck out to terrorize some country folk. However that just turned into me sitting in the bushes and jumping at the occasional passerby - even then the response I received wasn't terror, only a look that can best be described as raw pity.

Why name a beverage Fury if it doesn't give you inhuman powers? It's almost as if the company that made it gave it that name to associate a certain image with the product, while providing nothing more than a recycled idea.

Upon reading further, I noticed that despite all the advertising suggesting the contrary, the product was, in numerous ways, exactly the same as its predecessor (ingredients, size, act.). So there you have it. Congratulations Coke, your tomfoolery has bested my sleepless judgment once again.

Oh yeah, did it wake me up? Well it's hard to say, I forced enough nicotine and caffeine pills into my body that it was impossible to tell what did what. I doubt I'll be getting any sleep until later this week. And thus does the cycle continue.

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