Surviving through 2007/08 politics
Welcome, everyone. It's my pleasure to be your Interrobang guide through yet another season of Survivor: Canada, the political reality show where we the public pay, figuratively and literally, to watch our political class run amok in this fantastic land of opportunity.
Never fear, despite the potential for doom and gloom this year's episodes are certain to be full of unbelievable spectacles, endless drama, fiendish plots and behind the scenes deal making, all part of a long tradition that won't likely end until the Americans order us to disassemble the mosaic and dump the pieces in their melting pot.
A glimpse ahead gives us all a good idea of what's on the horizon for this coming year. There will likely be a hotly contested federal election soon, and there will definitely be an election in Ontario on October 10. And against the backdrop of the Iraq War II, there will be a Presidential election held in the United States.
But we're getting head of the game, aren't we? How about a look back at some highlights from the recent past.
- January 2006: Stephen Harper, who ended the Liberal Party's domination of federal politics by running on an anti-corruption and transparent government platform, appoints an unelected private citizen, Micheal Fortier, to the Senate and gives him a cabinet post in the newly formed government. On the same day our newbie PM appoints David Emerson, elected by his constituents as a Liberal, to an important cabinet post. Emerson had, while campaigning, touted himself as “Stephen Harper's worst nightmare” before becoming a floor crossing handpicked Trade Minister. This was a big story for about a month and then other matters intruded. Such as…
The federal Liberal Party begins searching for a new leader, to replace the aging and endlessly dithering Paul Martin, who was genetically incapable of answering the simplest of questions. Standout among the leadership hopefuls is the internationally renowned academic and writer Count Michael Ignatieff, who established his credibility in his Etobicoke riding by ushering to the sidelines a popular woman of colour MP and bypassing the democratic structure of the local Liberal party. He was forced to duck out the backdoor during his first public address to his constituents because the hostile crowd took it upon themselves to shout down this Rock Star candidate who showed little regard for due process and who was on record as having supported torture “when necessary” and the invasion of Iraq Part II. Predictably, Iggy Flop as he would come to be known, went into the leadership convention as odds on favourite. He ended up losing out to Stephan Dion, whose accomplishments as a former national Environment Minister amounted to absolutely nothing. But he was French. The convention also passed some hefty interior Liberal policies, such as raising the age of consent for anal sex.
During the run up to the Liberal convention, Iggy Flop and his clique of war supporters voted with the Conservatives on a small issue pertaining to Canada's involvement in Afganistan. In a touching scene, Iggy Flop and the PM shook hands after the vote narrowly passed, sentencing Canada to an extended mission in a country that has oddly never peacefully accepted foreign occupation. Presumably Iggy Flop and the PM consulted the people of their respective ridings before making this command decision.
- Locally, Liberal Glen Pearson (MP London North Centre), who later nominated Stephane Dion at the leadership convention, wins a by-election in London running against new Green Party Leader, Elizabeth May, who polls more votes than anyone expects. Sensing a bountiful green wedge, the Liberals begin a very public dalliance with Liz May and the Greens, culminating in the non-aggression pact between the two parties, whereby the Liberals will not run a candidate vs. Miss May in her adopted riding, while the Greens will not run a candidate vs. Mr. Dion in the next general election. An impressive manoeuvre for two up-and-comers on the Survivor Canada stage. They're definitely doing their best to not get voted to the sidelines.
The RCMP, our Mounties, are implicated in a series of embarrassing scandals, including pension fraud and the mishandling of the Maher Arar case. Commissioner Giuliano Zaccardelli resigns. An investigation into the unfortunate death of Ian Bush (shot in the back of the head while in RCMP custody) will find conclusions but bypass legal action, despite evidence contrary to the RCMP's official statements on the matter. No one goes to jail except the usual ordinary criminals.
- Before the 2006 Christmas recess, federal parliament votes itself a hefty raise, with little debate, in record time. Ontario's legislative assembly follows this example and votes its MPP's a nice raise. The justification in both cases is the necessity of higher pay to attract and retain prime political talent who might otherwise become private consultants and lobbyists for those who can afford their skills.
- And, in case you were wondering, there is still a war ongoing in Iraq.
Those are merely the highlights. Personally, I can't wait for this coming season of Survivor: Canada. How the political class and their foot soldiers are going to top the last couple of seasons is hard to imagine. But I'm certain they'll try their best. Stay tuned for next week when Canada will have entered into a secretive pact with the US and Mexico, The Security And Prosperity Agreement. Public consultation is currently being restrained by, yes, the RCMP, the US Army, snipers, and a very strongly constructed fence.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
Never fear, despite the potential for doom and gloom this year's episodes are certain to be full of unbelievable spectacles, endless drama, fiendish plots and behind the scenes deal making, all part of a long tradition that won't likely end until the Americans order us to disassemble the mosaic and dump the pieces in their melting pot.
A glimpse ahead gives us all a good idea of what's on the horizon for this coming year. There will likely be a hotly contested federal election soon, and there will definitely be an election in Ontario on October 10. And against the backdrop of the Iraq War II, there will be a Presidential election held in the United States.
But we're getting head of the game, aren't we? How about a look back at some highlights from the recent past.
- January 2006: Stephen Harper, who ended the Liberal Party's domination of federal politics by running on an anti-corruption and transparent government platform, appoints an unelected private citizen, Micheal Fortier, to the Senate and gives him a cabinet post in the newly formed government. On the same day our newbie PM appoints David Emerson, elected by his constituents as a Liberal, to an important cabinet post. Emerson had, while campaigning, touted himself as “Stephen Harper's worst nightmare” before becoming a floor crossing handpicked Trade Minister. This was a big story for about a month and then other matters intruded. Such as…
The federal Liberal Party begins searching for a new leader, to replace the aging and endlessly dithering Paul Martin, who was genetically incapable of answering the simplest of questions. Standout among the leadership hopefuls is the internationally renowned academic and writer Count Michael Ignatieff, who established his credibility in his Etobicoke riding by ushering to the sidelines a popular woman of colour MP and bypassing the democratic structure of the local Liberal party. He was forced to duck out the backdoor during his first public address to his constituents because the hostile crowd took it upon themselves to shout down this Rock Star candidate who showed little regard for due process and who was on record as having supported torture “when necessary” and the invasion of Iraq Part II. Predictably, Iggy Flop as he would come to be known, went into the leadership convention as odds on favourite. He ended up losing out to Stephan Dion, whose accomplishments as a former national Environment Minister amounted to absolutely nothing. But he was French. The convention also passed some hefty interior Liberal policies, such as raising the age of consent for anal sex.
During the run up to the Liberal convention, Iggy Flop and his clique of war supporters voted with the Conservatives on a small issue pertaining to Canada's involvement in Afganistan. In a touching scene, Iggy Flop and the PM shook hands after the vote narrowly passed, sentencing Canada to an extended mission in a country that has oddly never peacefully accepted foreign occupation. Presumably Iggy Flop and the PM consulted the people of their respective ridings before making this command decision.
- Locally, Liberal Glen Pearson (MP London North Centre), who later nominated Stephane Dion at the leadership convention, wins a by-election in London running against new Green Party Leader, Elizabeth May, who polls more votes than anyone expects. Sensing a bountiful green wedge, the Liberals begin a very public dalliance with Liz May and the Greens, culminating in the non-aggression pact between the two parties, whereby the Liberals will not run a candidate vs. Miss May in her adopted riding, while the Greens will not run a candidate vs. Mr. Dion in the next general election. An impressive manoeuvre for two up-and-comers on the Survivor Canada stage. They're definitely doing their best to not get voted to the sidelines.
The RCMP, our Mounties, are implicated in a series of embarrassing scandals, including pension fraud and the mishandling of the Maher Arar case. Commissioner Giuliano Zaccardelli resigns. An investigation into the unfortunate death of Ian Bush (shot in the back of the head while in RCMP custody) will find conclusions but bypass legal action, despite evidence contrary to the RCMP's official statements on the matter. No one goes to jail except the usual ordinary criminals.
- Before the 2006 Christmas recess, federal parliament votes itself a hefty raise, with little debate, in record time. Ontario's legislative assembly follows this example and votes its MPP's a nice raise. The justification in both cases is the necessity of higher pay to attract and retain prime political talent who might otherwise become private consultants and lobbyists for those who can afford their skills.
- And, in case you were wondering, there is still a war ongoing in Iraq.
Those are merely the highlights. Personally, I can't wait for this coming season of Survivor: Canada. How the political class and their foot soldiers are going to top the last couple of seasons is hard to imagine. But I'm certain they'll try their best. Stay tuned for next week when Canada will have entered into a secretive pact with the US and Mexico, The Security And Prosperity Agreement. Public consultation is currently being restrained by, yes, the RCMP, the US Army, snipers, and a very strongly constructed fence.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
