I am going to speak bluntly and from experience here. Some women are ready to go at the drop of a hat. GOOD FOR THEM. If you manage to find one of them: fantastic. But they are few and far between. Much like an engine on a cold, winter day, women need a little maintenance and perhaps even a little prep work to get things going. It is called FOREPLAY. And if you take the time and do it properly, I can wholly assure you it is worth the effort in the end.

Foreplay is probably the most misunderstood word in the sexual vocabulary. But most surely and slowly the male population is coming to learn (no pun intended) that the art of foreplay is as important to great sex as using a nine iron is in a game of golf.

According to great philosophy in sex, foreplay means the touching, caressing and general making out that goes on between the couple before the actual sex part of intercourse. It actually helps both partners experience the physical expressions of stimulation of arousal for the end result of sexual satisfaction. (a.k.a. the “Big “O”)

Foreplay should and must be extended as long as possible before you actually get into bed, and should be as important as afterplay — no running out as soon as you have done the deed, ladies and gentleman!

Foreplay is NOT simply asking, “Are you ready yet?” If you asked that question you have automatically flunked the class and probably have flunked all chance of a retake now and ever again. If you don't know, don't ask. You have to link the emotional to the physical. Basically a guy has to be hard and a woman has to be wet; it's a simple as that, without the two sides of the equation, you are going to have a hard time (pardon the pun) getting anywhere fast.


Unfortunately, just because there is a pup tent down south that does not mean there is going to be long-term action. Erections have to last a while as impatience can mean a really quick blast off: this is where foreplay can really help both of you in the long run. Women do not really reach their sexual peak until their thirties and most women usually find that sex gets better as they get older…most experts feel that reason is actually because the men get better at foreplay and less impatient as they age. (Write this down, guys: taking your time is the key to making most women H-A-P-P-Y!!!!)

Think ahead (and with your head — the one on your shoulders, that is!) and if you are not living with your love, plan to spend the evening wooing her. Even if you do live with them, make it a date night: just don't show up and jump them after saying, “Hi there!” At least do something to put them in the mood. (Even calling them to give them the idea and to put fantasies in their mind can make the mood great. E-mailing them and telling them what you are going to do to them later is even better: just make sure you don't accidentally send it to a classmate or their prof!)

Dinner for two is a nice way to flirt. It does not have to be expensive, but the looks you can give each other over the table (and focus only on each other) and that verbal and non-verbal communication is the key. Eat at home, eat out, eat in the parking lot with drive through - focus on each other for the time every minute you have together.

Kissing is a great way to start getting her in the mood. But first of all, check your breath. Listerine Pocket Packs are sent from heaven above. Don't kill your date before you have even started. If you are not sure, lick the back of you hand, let it dry and give it a sniff. If you can smell ANYTHING, get out the mints. You would be amazed at how many couples do not kiss. Go ahead, use your tongues, but don't swallow your date whole and don't slobber all lover them like a damn Labrador retriever for the love of god! Don't limit yourself to their mouths: ears are a major erogenous zone and work your way D-O-W-N… and if you receive, it would be polite to give it back.
In public, you can only touch each other “so much” but in private all bets can be off. Dim the lights, torch up a few candles, get out the massage oils and have some fun! Start off nice and gentle: Stretch out and explore…play some nice music. I am giving no hints here but bathtubs, Jacuzzis, and any warm water can play into it and your heart rate will rise: just make sure your have the heat turned up and lots of towels and condoms near by!

Males and females have different parts on their bodies, which really turn them on. (Remember the episode of “Friends” where Monica and Rachel explain the seven erogenous zones to Chandler and them do a counting sequence to him?)

HAVE FUN finding them and counting them on each other. Play the game as mentioned above. The best way to explain it (thank you Dr. Ruth for this wording) is for a woman: “Checking under the hood” and for a man, “Checking the dipstick.” However, be gentle and take care of each other's sensitive parts and always have your stash of condoms nearby as erogenous zones often lead to an extreme need for doing the deed and you have had “enough foreplay”. (If you are not gentle, your chances of doing it more than once in an evening are next to nil!)

How can you tell when you have had “enough” foreplay? You can't. There is no definitive point that can be scientifically explained. Good communication amongst the two of you is the point. Women generally know they have hit that point when they are “on the edge” of having an orgasm and men, well, most men assure their women they just need to show up.

Happy Foreplay (and lots of it!) and safe sex to you all.