Ms. Guidance: Celebrating the “monthiversary”

Dear Ms. Guidance,
I have been with my girlfriend for one year and three months, which I know because she insists on having monthly anniversary celebrations. It is driving me insane. Every month we have to have a “celebration of our love” and I am finding it a little bit tedious. How do I tell her I want to opt out of monthiversary celebrations without sounding insensitive?
-Sick of Celebration

“Anniversary n. (pl.anniversaries) 1. the date on which an event took place a previous year esp. a wedding.. 2. the yearly celebration of this” (Oxford Dictionary of English). As you can see, by definition, your girlfriend is celebrating your anniversary entirely too often. In fact, by my estimation you have had but one anniversary of your relationship commencing, and yet you have celebrated 15. You see, friend, monthly anniversaries do not exist and “monthiversary” is simply not a word. As such, I too find it ridiculous that you are expected to officially celebrate your relationship on a monthly basis. However, it is not about me but neither is it about you. A healthy, long lasting relationship is cemented in compromise and so, if you love your girlfriend, and she loves “monthly anniversaries,” than I say suck it up for her sake and buy her flowers and wine once a month; a little romance never hurt anybody. Her desperate assertion that there must be a celebration of your love once a month may be the result of past relationships leaving her wanting more romance going forward. A viable solution if you absolutely cannot stand it any longer, would be suggesting to you girlfriend that she stops calling it an anniversary. Discuss with her why it is she needs to commemorate every single month of your relationship; if it is romance she craves, plan a nameless evening out once a month on a day that isn't necessarily on the date of…whatever it is called, so that she knows you still love her. If romance is just not your thing, then maybe it is time to just move on.

Dear Ms. Guidance,
My roommate is constantly telling me that my room is gross and I should clean it, but she says things like “I seen that yesterday,” and other crimes against grammar.
What should I do?
-In a Mess

It seems that you are implying that because your roommate has bad grammar she has no right to tell you that you should clean your room. This inference is simply untrue. Your roommate has no right to tell that your habit of leaving dirty clothes on your floor and dirty dishes on your desk is filthy, because it is your room and she should have no reason to be in it. In fact, no roommate should ever be in another roommate's room without expressed permission. If you are unhappy about your roommate's comments about your room, then keep her out and close your door. So, if your roommate never sees your room she has no reason to complain. Unless of course the stench of your filth is reeking-up the hallway and other parts of the house, in which case, you really should clean your room. As for poor grammar, aside from not knowing English, there is just no excuse. Although it doesn't disqualify your roommate from commenting on your house-keeping skills, it is rather unintelligent on her part — perhaps she should read more often and stop spending so much time commiserating over your disgusting room.

Dear Ms. Guidance,
Should I meet the girl I have been dating over the Internet?
-online lover
The face of dating has certainly changed in the late 20th and early 21st century. Though I am not sure about the logistics of dating someone over the Internet, I do have an understanding of the dangers of meeting strangers. The implications of having a physical encounter with someone you have only ever encountered online can be heart-breaking if not dangerous. The fundamental anonymity of the Internet makes it possible for people to construct not only false images of themselves, but of the people they meet as well. You have not told me how long you've been talking with this girl or the intensity of the relationship, but if you are thinking of meeting her outside of the virtual world then I can only assume you care for her. If this is so, it is important to realize that the girl you have grown attached to may only exist in your head; who you think she is might possibly be based on fibs and your interpretation of them. The disappointment of finding out that someone you care deeply for has never actually existed could be quite defeating. The other danger being that the person you are speaking to online is actually a dangerous person who wishes to con, swindle or hurt you. I would never want to hinder the possibility of true love, but make sure you are willing to handle any outcome before you decide to meet this girl. Likewise with anyone, be sure to go to public places the first few times you meet with her and do not invite her to your home until you are sure of her intentions.

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