Finding your language of love
No drinking.
Some time ago my wife and I had our first child. Along the way I learned this rule about pregnancy and alcohol: the two must never be mixed.
If they are the result can be what is known as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The symptoms range from mild facial anomalies to learning disabilities and impulsive and anti-social behaviours. Children who drink in the womb — this is probably the clearest way to think of it - often pay the price their whole lives.
Today's medical advice for a couple or single person expecting a child is straightforward. If you are pregnant, don't drink from the moment of conception to the time of birth. If you are the husband or partner you can support her: abstain from alcohol yourself during the pregnancy.
As it happens, you can show love to your child even before she or he is born. Abstinence, it turns out, is a language of love for the unborn.
I am borrowing the concept of the “language of love” from a book, The Five Languages of Love of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell (Northfield Press, 1997). In it the authors identify what they call five love languages. They are: physical touch; words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of service.
According to Chapman and Campbell each one of us needs all five. But also, for each one of us, one or several of them are more important than the others.
I can see this in my own children. When one of our sons annoys his brother or sister (or his parents) he has a hard time saying sorry in words. This tends to bother me. But I also notice that typically, a few days later, he will bring a gift to the person or do some act of kindness.
When I realized that giving gifts is one of his primary love languages, it set my mind at ease over the fact that he was not good at verbal apologies. His primary love languages are the less verbal ones. Touch, gifts, and acts of service are his strong love languages.
We can, say the writers, figure out which one of the five love languages mean more to ourselves than the others. We can do the same for our family members.
An example they use is to give a child a choice such as, “Would you rather that we go to the park today (quality time) or cuddle (touch) and read some Robert Munsch?” (While we're at it — that is, naming Munsch - go on line and play his reading of Love You Forever, a great illustration of several of the love languages.)
Similarly, we can offer choices to our girlfriends, boyfriends or spouses, and even, possibly, our parents or other people we love.
Becoming fluent in the five languages of love could save a lot of relational pain, and could enrich the relationships we all have and will have, especially the most important one of all, the relationship between parent and child. Chapman and Campbell's five languages of love, a multi-lingualism we cannot and should not live without.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
Some time ago my wife and I had our first child. Along the way I learned this rule about pregnancy and alcohol: the two must never be mixed.
If they are the result can be what is known as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The symptoms range from mild facial anomalies to learning disabilities and impulsive and anti-social behaviours. Children who drink in the womb — this is probably the clearest way to think of it - often pay the price their whole lives.
Today's medical advice for a couple or single person expecting a child is straightforward. If you are pregnant, don't drink from the moment of conception to the time of birth. If you are the husband or partner you can support her: abstain from alcohol yourself during the pregnancy.
As it happens, you can show love to your child even before she or he is born. Abstinence, it turns out, is a language of love for the unborn.
I am borrowing the concept of the “language of love” from a book, The Five Languages of Love of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell (Northfield Press, 1997). In it the authors identify what they call five love languages. They are: physical touch; words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of service.
According to Chapman and Campbell each one of us needs all five. But also, for each one of us, one or several of them are more important than the others.
I can see this in my own children. When one of our sons annoys his brother or sister (or his parents) he has a hard time saying sorry in words. This tends to bother me. But I also notice that typically, a few days later, he will bring a gift to the person or do some act of kindness.
When I realized that giving gifts is one of his primary love languages, it set my mind at ease over the fact that he was not good at verbal apologies. His primary love languages are the less verbal ones. Touch, gifts, and acts of service are his strong love languages.
We can, say the writers, figure out which one of the five love languages mean more to ourselves than the others. We can do the same for our family members.
An example they use is to give a child a choice such as, “Would you rather that we go to the park today (quality time) or cuddle (touch) and read some Robert Munsch?” (While we're at it — that is, naming Munsch - go on line and play his reading of Love You Forever, a great illustration of several of the love languages.)
Similarly, we can offer choices to our girlfriends, boyfriends or spouses, and even, possibly, our parents or other people we love.
Becoming fluent in the five languages of love could save a lot of relational pain, and could enrich the relationships we all have and will have, especially the most important one of all, the relationship between parent and child. Chapman and Campbell's five languages of love, a multi-lingualism we cannot and should not live without.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
