Love Lola: The Honeymoon is over for just moved in couple
Dear Lola,
This year my girlfriend and I decided to move in together. We've been dating for about a year and we're going to the same college. It seemed like a no-brainer when she suggested it, but after just six weeks of living with her, I'm miserable! She's controlling and stressed out from school and I don't really want to deal with her anymore. The problem is, her parents are paying our rent for the year and I have nowhere else to live. What am I supposed to do? Help me Lola!
Desperate House Husband
Dear Desperate,
Some people believe in the seven-year itch; the expiry date on most hot and heavy relationships, when both parties have become equally bored and frustrated with the smell and taste of one another and are ready to try something or someone new. But six weeks? Oh honey, you're a special case.
I have to start by saying that you got yourself a pretty sweet deal in living with this she-devil. Her parents are paying your rent? Gosh, I still remember when common-law relationships amongst consenting adults was taboo, but shacking up just out of high school with your boyfriend on daddy's dime? It truly is the 21st century folks.
I have to assume that this girlfriend of yours wasn't such a witch when you were back home? Prior to experiencing the debilitating stress of school, I bet she was a calm kitten; soft and playful and eager to roll around on her back while you rubbed her belly. Somehow, on the short trip to college, she transformed into a raging, snappy, anal super Be-otch. It's hard to tell if she's had a drastic makeover or if you're just bored waking up next to the same girl each morning.
Either way, you're up OSAP-creek without a dollar now. If you're homeless without her, you need to sit her down and find out how you can help her relax and enjoy this magical time in her life. Or, perhaps you need to make some friends and start planning a little couch-surfing schedule between available buddies.
If you're truly unhappy, there's got to be somewhere else to go. Even if you just rent a room in a house, you can get out if you need to. If you can suck it up and convince yourself to stick it out, there's the glistening allure of free rent, split groceries and probably sex in it for you!
Just be sure you're making the right choice before you sit her down and tear apart her four-year plan. Trust me, every girl has a four-year plan buttercup and I'm betting you've got a pretty important role in hers.
If you know after just six weeks that she's not the one for you, cut it loose and start saving for a futon.
Dear Lola,
My girlfriend broke up with me back in July and I've been a complete mess. We were together for about two years and I did not expect this at all. I have completely shut down, I'm not going out, I don't even like to go to class. All I do is listen to music, think about her and mope. My friends are ready to kick my ass to get me out of bed and out with someone new. I need to know, how do you get over someone for good?
Dumped Downer
Dear Dumped
Okay, please don't cry when I say this, but I actually don't believe in ‘getting over' someone.
I honestly think that when someone hits your life with the force of a meteor, they leave a big smoking dent that doesn't go away. Whether you get married, or get dumped; truly loving someone means you're never quite the same when the dust settles. Sure, eventually the surface heals and you continue to live your life, but the knocks and bruises we accumulate as we stumble towards happiness pretty much define us. These battle scars are used to strategically mark our sensitive, soft spots. These physical landmarks are where we create lifelong foundations of doubt, fear and insecurity that guide our decisions and choices and eventually lead us to being lonely and unlovable in our 40's.
Got that?
Basically what I'm saying is that the mulling and moping you're doing all day is actually more like digging and drowning. The more time you spend thinking about how much you've lost, the more time you're losing! You've already wasted two years with this girl, how much more can you dedicate to this hopeless cause?
When I see single, miserable people in their late 30s, speed dating, dancing at 80's night or hopping on a singles-only trip to Toronto to see Jersey Boys; I can only see one thing. I see someone who never got over getting dumped. I see a lost, sad, rejected puppy afraid to let go of someone who's long gone. Please don't be that puppy.
What you need to do is get up, get dressed and get out! Your friends are right, the enlightening ‘Aha!' moment you're looking for is not going to be found in a pile of John Cusack movies or an empty bag of Doritos.
The only way to fill up the space your ex left in your life is to actually fill up your life! Trust me, there's nothing less attractive than meeting a guy and finding out he's still getting over his ex. So, jump in the shower, shave your man parts and head out to the latest Pub Crawl; your next girlfriend could be slinging back one too many whisky sours and stumbling out of a club right now!
Got get her Tiger!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
This year my girlfriend and I decided to move in together. We've been dating for about a year and we're going to the same college. It seemed like a no-brainer when she suggested it, but after just six weeks of living with her, I'm miserable! She's controlling and stressed out from school and I don't really want to deal with her anymore. The problem is, her parents are paying our rent for the year and I have nowhere else to live. What am I supposed to do? Help me Lola!
Desperate House Husband
Dear Desperate,
Some people believe in the seven-year itch; the expiry date on most hot and heavy relationships, when both parties have become equally bored and frustrated with the smell and taste of one another and are ready to try something or someone new. But six weeks? Oh honey, you're a special case.
I have to start by saying that you got yourself a pretty sweet deal in living with this she-devil. Her parents are paying your rent? Gosh, I still remember when common-law relationships amongst consenting adults was taboo, but shacking up just out of high school with your boyfriend on daddy's dime? It truly is the 21st century folks.
I have to assume that this girlfriend of yours wasn't such a witch when you were back home? Prior to experiencing the debilitating stress of school, I bet she was a calm kitten; soft and playful and eager to roll around on her back while you rubbed her belly. Somehow, on the short trip to college, she transformed into a raging, snappy, anal super Be-otch. It's hard to tell if she's had a drastic makeover or if you're just bored waking up next to the same girl each morning.
Either way, you're up OSAP-creek without a dollar now. If you're homeless without her, you need to sit her down and find out how you can help her relax and enjoy this magical time in her life. Or, perhaps you need to make some friends and start planning a little couch-surfing schedule between available buddies.
If you're truly unhappy, there's got to be somewhere else to go. Even if you just rent a room in a house, you can get out if you need to. If you can suck it up and convince yourself to stick it out, there's the glistening allure of free rent, split groceries and probably sex in it for you!
Just be sure you're making the right choice before you sit her down and tear apart her four-year plan. Trust me, every girl has a four-year plan buttercup and I'm betting you've got a pretty important role in hers.
If you know after just six weeks that she's not the one for you, cut it loose and start saving for a futon.
Dear Lola,
My girlfriend broke up with me back in July and I've been a complete mess. We were together for about two years and I did not expect this at all. I have completely shut down, I'm not going out, I don't even like to go to class. All I do is listen to music, think about her and mope. My friends are ready to kick my ass to get me out of bed and out with someone new. I need to know, how do you get over someone for good?
Dumped Downer
Dear Dumped
Okay, please don't cry when I say this, but I actually don't believe in ‘getting over' someone.
I honestly think that when someone hits your life with the force of a meteor, they leave a big smoking dent that doesn't go away. Whether you get married, or get dumped; truly loving someone means you're never quite the same when the dust settles. Sure, eventually the surface heals and you continue to live your life, but the knocks and bruises we accumulate as we stumble towards happiness pretty much define us. These battle scars are used to strategically mark our sensitive, soft spots. These physical landmarks are where we create lifelong foundations of doubt, fear and insecurity that guide our decisions and choices and eventually lead us to being lonely and unlovable in our 40's.
Got that?
Basically what I'm saying is that the mulling and moping you're doing all day is actually more like digging and drowning. The more time you spend thinking about how much you've lost, the more time you're losing! You've already wasted two years with this girl, how much more can you dedicate to this hopeless cause?
When I see single, miserable people in their late 30s, speed dating, dancing at 80's night or hopping on a singles-only trip to Toronto to see Jersey Boys; I can only see one thing. I see someone who never got over getting dumped. I see a lost, sad, rejected puppy afraid to let go of someone who's long gone. Please don't be that puppy.
What you need to do is get up, get dressed and get out! Your friends are right, the enlightening ‘Aha!' moment you're looking for is not going to be found in a pile of John Cusack movies or an empty bag of Doritos.
The only way to fill up the space your ex left in your life is to actually fill up your life! Trust me, there's nothing less attractive than meeting a guy and finding out he's still getting over his ex. So, jump in the shower, shave your man parts and head out to the latest Pub Crawl; your next girlfriend could be slinging back one too many whisky sours and stumbling out of a club right now!
Got get her Tiger!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
