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He's just not that into you...she just couldn't care less

Ivana Pelisek | Interrobang | Opinion | October 5th, 2009

Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone convos to analyze the puzzling behaviour of men.

Have you ever been in a situation in your young dating lives when you've pondered relentlessly about the opposite sex only to discover they just weren't feeling you? Hard to grasp all at once, I know, but really why have so many contributed to this poor way of thinking. Analyzing the tiniest details as to why he or she is not pursuing you at this precise moment. Really? Or maybe if I make myself appear more available he will come around? Maybe, but again, you should just be you and hope they come around and like you for exactly that reason. You stand out and are different perhaps and maybe, just maybe that's why you are unique in your own right.

Ladies, if a man wants you he will do whatever is in his power to get you to notice him. Not the other way around.

Call me old fashioned but women are worth pursuing and men love the chase. After all, where's the mystery if we give it all away upfront?

Why am I getting mixed signals from him? Does he want me or is he keeping his options open just in case someone better comes along? The list of questions can be too time consuming to even begin to list. So, we all get the point and now we can work through why such behaviours exist.

The following are top reasons or excuses both men and women give when they just aren't feeling you. I had a sit down with Oakville based sexpert and psychiatrist Dr. Blair and here are some reasons she found made the most common sense behind male and female behaviour patterns in relationships.

Top 10 reasons why men or women are just not that into you

1. He only answers his incoming calls when he doesn't know it's you. This one is a no brainer. The person you are trying to contact may be “avoiding your calls,” suggested Dr. Blair, adding, “if a person is interested in speaking with you, they will make no such excuses and answer your calls simply because they want to and not because they feel they have to.”

2. Even after you have purchased him that oh-so-handy calendar, he insists on forgetting your birthday every year. If you don't mind having to remind your special someone every time your birthday rolls around and hope for the best that he does not forget again this year, by all means settle for just that. But I am sure at this point you can realize things are probably not going to change and you will, on an annual basis, find yourself in a position you should never have gotten into in the first place.

3. He insists on hanging out only on his turf. “If you find yourself continually making the effort to go back and forth, to and from his place, then your relationship is very solely based,” Dr. Blair said. If a guy wants to see a girl he will arrange to come to her, at her place, hang with her friends simply because he is interested in getting to know her better. If there is no effort you probably don't have much of a relationship to begin with in the first place.

4. Always making excuses to get out of meeting family and friends? If a guy is truly into a girl and of course “some time and effort has been put into a relationship,” Dr. Blair noted, he should have no problem wanting to meet all the people important to her in her life, simply because they are a huge part of what she is accustomed to.

5. He never talks about the future. No one here is implying he should be thinking five years down the road, but if setting some alone time for you and him for say next week makes for a problem, suggested Dr. Blair, then he probably does not envision you as a long term commitment.

6. You see each other between midnight and sunrise. Like anything else out there, a “healthy relationship needs to see the light of day in order to grow and prosper,” said Dr. Blair. If you are constantly being visited at inappropriate times during the later hours in the evening without ever making plans, you are probably not a priority and should rearrange your way of thinking.

7. Ninety per cent of the time you are the one making the effort to get in touch with him. “Don't put in all the work,” advised Dr. Blair. “Relationships are a two way street and both involved should feel adequate and equal.”

8. He doesn't care if you date other people. At the beginning stages of any new relationship, until both parties involved have demonstrated where they envision themselves to go, it is safe to assume you have “free range in dating who ever you see fit,” said Dr. Blair. “After all dating should be taken lightly and people should just have fun.” If you've established some form of intimacy with the person and he still does not mind you dating other people, you really have to ask yourself “Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't mind me spending romantic evenings with someone else?”

Perhaps the reason why he does not mind, said Dr. Blair, is because he's out there “doing the exact same thing.”

9. He dates other people. Dating is one thing, but after some time has passed and he continually dates other people, Dr. Blair noted “he doesn't see you as someone who plays an important role in his life. It may be wise to simply move on and try your luck with someone else.”

10. He says to you, “I am just not that into you.” This one takes the icing on the cake and there is no sense in making up excuses regarding this phrase.

Dr. Blair made note that “a guy (or girl) will do whatever they can to spare the other person's feelings and will do whatever they can to avoid having to be so blunt or ruthless.” But if a man or women uses this exact phrase, Dr. Blair advised both men and women to “take it for what it is and move on, he or she really just isn't into you.”
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