Love Lola: Chatty Kathy spreading rumours and innuendo
Dear Lola,
My brother recently started to date a girl that I think might be bad news. My boyfriend went to high school with her and says she slept around and used drugs. Should I tell my brother what I know or let him figure it out? Help me, I'm torn.
Twisted Sister
Dear Sister,
I must say, I relate to the role of a protective sister. Watching your brother make mistakes, learn hard lessons and date train wrecks can be difficult to bear. It's hard to know when to let the little guy fall down and when to hold his hand when things get rough. I guess when your brother is old enough to fall down drunk and doesn't mind getting a little rough; you know it's time to leave him alone.
You know, men are amazing! If your boyfriend had been telling the same story about a guy he knew who slept with every hot girl in school and was always up for sharing a doobie, he'd probably be reminiscing with a tear in his eye over the lost friendship with a man he truly admired. Put that dude in a skirt and suddenly she's a controversial tramp!
Your boyfriend's probably watched too many episodes of Gossip Girl if he thinks spreading rumours and stories about his former classmates is somehow going to improve your relationship or lift him up the social latter. What's this guy's ulterior motive? I doubt he's seriously concerned for your brother's safety. What kind of guy tries to protect his buddy from sex and weed? Not that the boys in our lives aren't permitted to show the occasional sign of caution, consideration and respect, but I'm pretty sure a girl that comes with blow jobs and bongs is a shoe-in for the Maxim Top Ten.
So, unless this girl actually slept with your boyfriend or they shared a puff, you're in a difficult area where hearsay, rumour and chitchat are all blocking your perception of the truth and that's a sticky position to be in when dealing with a family member.
The problem with third party information is that details and fact get jumbled and messy and quickly lose their impact. Kind of like a wild night of partying; by the time you reach the ‘third party' you're a sloppy, smudged mess that barely resembles the slick diva who left just hours earlier. You've become an unlikely resource for an accurate or reliable account of the night's events. That's how reliable this information is! Just careless re-enactments handed down at drunken parties and regurgitated in locker rooms.
Let's step outside of this defensive attack for just a moment and consider that this girl actually used to be a naughty minx with a vigorous sexual appetite and a healthy confidence in her abilities in the boudoir that enjoyed the sinful heat of a joint at the end of a long day. How long has this stigma been following this girl around town? If we're talking years, that's plenty of time for her to have grown up and changed. If this happened two or more years ago, I can't see it being relevant to the person that she is today.
Unless you can somehow covertly corroborate that she is in fact ‘open for business' and is still making like Cheech between classes, you might just want to bite your tongue for a bit.
Calling someone a slut is such a demeaning way to address or describe anyone. I'd certainly caution you against throwing these words towards a woman who could become your sister-in-law.
As for your Chatty Kathy of a boyfriend, I say it's time to sit down for a little talk with your brother's gal pal and find out what she remembers about his high school reputation.
Good Luck!
Dear Readers:
Lola needs to apologize for a big glaring mistake on my part in last week's article. Some of you may remember the poor girl who wrote in about her stinky-pants boyfriend. In my eagerness to jump on his unpleasant body odor as a hygiene call-to-action, I completely overlooked a very serious perspective to her question.
You see, sometimes when a person's body is giving off offensive smoke signals, it can actually mean that they are suffering from a serious, private or unknown medical condition. There are many circumstances where foul odor or excessive sweating is a symptom of a much more serious underlying issue.
Though I'm certainly no medical professional, I can Google with one arm tied behind my back and a quick search online showed me that medical causes for body odor can be anything from diet or medications to an infection or something more serious like kidney or liver problems.
So, between lathering up in a bath for two and kicking his smelly butt to the curb, our reader might want to ask him how he's feeling physically and muster up the guts to discuss this concern openly to ensure that he is safe and healthy.
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
My brother recently started to date a girl that I think might be bad news. My boyfriend went to high school with her and says she slept around and used drugs. Should I tell my brother what I know or let him figure it out? Help me, I'm torn.
Twisted Sister
Dear Sister,
I must say, I relate to the role of a protective sister. Watching your brother make mistakes, learn hard lessons and date train wrecks can be difficult to bear. It's hard to know when to let the little guy fall down and when to hold his hand when things get rough. I guess when your brother is old enough to fall down drunk and doesn't mind getting a little rough; you know it's time to leave him alone.
You know, men are amazing! If your boyfriend had been telling the same story about a guy he knew who slept with every hot girl in school and was always up for sharing a doobie, he'd probably be reminiscing with a tear in his eye over the lost friendship with a man he truly admired. Put that dude in a skirt and suddenly she's a controversial tramp!
Your boyfriend's probably watched too many episodes of Gossip Girl if he thinks spreading rumours and stories about his former classmates is somehow going to improve your relationship or lift him up the social latter. What's this guy's ulterior motive? I doubt he's seriously concerned for your brother's safety. What kind of guy tries to protect his buddy from sex and weed? Not that the boys in our lives aren't permitted to show the occasional sign of caution, consideration and respect, but I'm pretty sure a girl that comes with blow jobs and bongs is a shoe-in for the Maxim Top Ten.
So, unless this girl actually slept with your boyfriend or they shared a puff, you're in a difficult area where hearsay, rumour and chitchat are all blocking your perception of the truth and that's a sticky position to be in when dealing with a family member.
The problem with third party information is that details and fact get jumbled and messy and quickly lose their impact. Kind of like a wild night of partying; by the time you reach the ‘third party' you're a sloppy, smudged mess that barely resembles the slick diva who left just hours earlier. You've become an unlikely resource for an accurate or reliable account of the night's events. That's how reliable this information is! Just careless re-enactments handed down at drunken parties and regurgitated in locker rooms.
Let's step outside of this defensive attack for just a moment and consider that this girl actually used to be a naughty minx with a vigorous sexual appetite and a healthy confidence in her abilities in the boudoir that enjoyed the sinful heat of a joint at the end of a long day. How long has this stigma been following this girl around town? If we're talking years, that's plenty of time for her to have grown up and changed. If this happened two or more years ago, I can't see it being relevant to the person that she is today.
Unless you can somehow covertly corroborate that she is in fact ‘open for business' and is still making like Cheech between classes, you might just want to bite your tongue for a bit.
Calling someone a slut is such a demeaning way to address or describe anyone. I'd certainly caution you against throwing these words towards a woman who could become your sister-in-law.
As for your Chatty Kathy of a boyfriend, I say it's time to sit down for a little talk with your brother's gal pal and find out what she remembers about his high school reputation.
Good Luck!
Dear Readers:
Lola needs to apologize for a big glaring mistake on my part in last week's article. Some of you may remember the poor girl who wrote in about her stinky-pants boyfriend. In my eagerness to jump on his unpleasant body odor as a hygiene call-to-action, I completely overlooked a very serious perspective to her question.
You see, sometimes when a person's body is giving off offensive smoke signals, it can actually mean that they are suffering from a serious, private or unknown medical condition. There are many circumstances where foul odor or excessive sweating is a symptom of a much more serious underlying issue.
Though I'm certainly no medical professional, I can Google with one arm tied behind my back and a quick search online showed me that medical causes for body odor can be anything from diet or medications to an infection or something more serious like kidney or liver problems.
So, between lathering up in a bath for two and kicking his smelly butt to the curb, our reader might want to ask him how he's feeling physically and muster up the guts to discuss this concern openly to ensure that he is safe and healthy.
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
