Love Lola: Birthday blues, and breaking up is hard to do
Dear Lola,
Can you tell me the best way to break up with a girl without ending up with a reputation as a jerk? Sometimes you just lose interest, but I'm tired of always coming off as the bad guy; what's the trick?
Clean Getaway
Dear Getaway,
There are a number of basics facts that can assist you in strategizing a successful breakup with few casualties. Before you attempt to make your last move, you must consider a key question; how long have you been involved? If it's less than a month and you have not slept together (not just sex, but actual sleeping), then you can get away with a sensitive, respectful over-the-phone breakup. Notice I didn't say text, Facebook, email, or Twitter? Yes, none of these modern, nerdy communicators is remotely appropriate for removing yourself from an intimate relationship so don't even try it.
If, on the other hand, you've been involved with this woman for more than a month or you've had a sleepover, you really need to approach this face-to-face. This shows courage and strength; when you address someone in person, with unwavering eye-contact and a calm, gentle voice, you come across like you're taking the situation and the person's feelings very seriously. If you're jumping around, looking at the ceiling or fiddling with the strings on your hoodie you look like a putz and the whole gig is up!
The way to be remembered as a gentleman is to behave like one in the very last moments of your relationship. If you need to, you may want to approach this as if you're quitting a job. You want a good reference, right? Let her know you're grateful for the experience and though she taught you so much about yourself, it's time to move on. Just don't give two weeks notice or you'll wind up sleeping with her and then you'll forever be remembered as the jerk.
Good Luck!
Dear Lola,
I want to be single for the summer, to enjoy myself and have fun. I'm wondering if it would be better to break up with my girlfriend before or after school ends? She's a sweet girl, but no one wants to be tied down in the summer.
Beach Bum
Dear Bum,
Gosh it's refreshing to hear a young man speak the honest truth about his needs, motivation and priorities in life. Unfortunately, you're truth makes you sound like such a tool, I'm praying the rest of the guys around me keep me outside the bubble.
When I was a younger student, the summer was all about scoring a kick-ass internship or gaining volunteer experience to boost my personal profile for my honours degree or maybe slaving away at a factory earning enough cash to make it through another's year of textbooks and tuition.
Somehow, you've landed in a Beach Boys movie where summer lovin' is all about beaches, bikinis and babes. Apparently summer would be impossible to enjoy with a loyal woman by your side and it absolutely must be spent rubbing SPF on the closest SWF.
Funny, to me summer's always been about campfires, cottage weekends, concerts, sunsets and walks on the beach. I can't imagine how lame it would be to be doing any of those things alone. Send me a letter in September and let me know how that works out for you.
Dear Lola,
I just figured out that my boyfriend is planning a surprise birthday party for me. He picked a bad restaurant and invited a bunch of people from my Facebook page that I don't even talk to! I'm freaking out, what do I do?
Birthday Blues
Dear Blues,
Okay, don't panic; we can fix this! Assuming that you stumbled upon an Evite or a close pal spilled the beans you need to acquire a cohort on the inside of this operation. Approach an invitee and get her to help you bring this ship down!
Sure, I make fun of Facebook all the time, but that doesn't mean that I don't fully understand and respect the social gravitas of this virtual beast. It's like being in high school, but forever. The popular girls are still laughing at your hair cut except now you're 30 and married and it's not your fault your too fricking busy with night school for highlights.
Receiving an event invitation to Bob's Crab Shack for a family feast to celebrate your birthday is going to be ridiculously embarrassing. As quickly as humanly possible you need to start whipping together you own party. Seriously, put this paper down and get to it! Same night, same time; different guest list! Now, start talking about this party ALL THE TIME! Your poor well-meaning boyfriend is going to poop his pants, but he'll get over it.
It's your birthday for Pete's sake!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
Can you tell me the best way to break up with a girl without ending up with a reputation as a jerk? Sometimes you just lose interest, but I'm tired of always coming off as the bad guy; what's the trick?
Clean Getaway
Dear Getaway,
There are a number of basics facts that can assist you in strategizing a successful breakup with few casualties. Before you attempt to make your last move, you must consider a key question; how long have you been involved? If it's less than a month and you have not slept together (not just sex, but actual sleeping), then you can get away with a sensitive, respectful over-the-phone breakup. Notice I didn't say text, Facebook, email, or Twitter? Yes, none of these modern, nerdy communicators is remotely appropriate for removing yourself from an intimate relationship so don't even try it.
If, on the other hand, you've been involved with this woman for more than a month or you've had a sleepover, you really need to approach this face-to-face. This shows courage and strength; when you address someone in person, with unwavering eye-contact and a calm, gentle voice, you come across like you're taking the situation and the person's feelings very seriously. If you're jumping around, looking at the ceiling or fiddling with the strings on your hoodie you look like a putz and the whole gig is up!
The way to be remembered as a gentleman is to behave like one in the very last moments of your relationship. If you need to, you may want to approach this as if you're quitting a job. You want a good reference, right? Let her know you're grateful for the experience and though she taught you so much about yourself, it's time to move on. Just don't give two weeks notice or you'll wind up sleeping with her and then you'll forever be remembered as the jerk.
Good Luck!
Dear Lola,
I want to be single for the summer, to enjoy myself and have fun. I'm wondering if it would be better to break up with my girlfriend before or after school ends? She's a sweet girl, but no one wants to be tied down in the summer.
Beach Bum
Dear Bum,
Gosh it's refreshing to hear a young man speak the honest truth about his needs, motivation and priorities in life. Unfortunately, you're truth makes you sound like such a tool, I'm praying the rest of the guys around me keep me outside the bubble.
When I was a younger student, the summer was all about scoring a kick-ass internship or gaining volunteer experience to boost my personal profile for my honours degree or maybe slaving away at a factory earning enough cash to make it through another's year of textbooks and tuition.
Somehow, you've landed in a Beach Boys movie where summer lovin' is all about beaches, bikinis and babes. Apparently summer would be impossible to enjoy with a loyal woman by your side and it absolutely must be spent rubbing SPF on the closest SWF.
Funny, to me summer's always been about campfires, cottage weekends, concerts, sunsets and walks on the beach. I can't imagine how lame it would be to be doing any of those things alone. Send me a letter in September and let me know how that works out for you.
Dear Lola,
I just figured out that my boyfriend is planning a surprise birthday party for me. He picked a bad restaurant and invited a bunch of people from my Facebook page that I don't even talk to! I'm freaking out, what do I do?
Birthday Blues
Dear Blues,
Okay, don't panic; we can fix this! Assuming that you stumbled upon an Evite or a close pal spilled the beans you need to acquire a cohort on the inside of this operation. Approach an invitee and get her to help you bring this ship down!
Sure, I make fun of Facebook all the time, but that doesn't mean that I don't fully understand and respect the social gravitas of this virtual beast. It's like being in high school, but forever. The popular girls are still laughing at your hair cut except now you're 30 and married and it's not your fault your too fricking busy with night school for highlights.
Receiving an event invitation to Bob's Crab Shack for a family feast to celebrate your birthday is going to be ridiculously embarrassing. As quickly as humanly possible you need to start whipping together you own party. Seriously, put this paper down and get to it! Same night, same time; different guest list! Now, start talking about this party ALL THE TIME! Your poor well-meaning boyfriend is going to poop his pants, but he'll get over it.
It's your birthday for Pete's sake!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
