Love Lola: Sibling grad issues, two timing friend and Casanova
Dear Lola,
My brother and I are both graduating this year, we're in different programs, but our ceremony will be on the same day. The problem is he doesn't get along with our parents; he moved out when he was 18 and never looked back. I want my folks there, but he's asked me not to invite them. What should I do?
Little Sister
Dear Sister,
Hmmm, you've got yourself into quite a messy predicament here, don't you? What's the saying? Blood's thicker than water? Is it thick enough to blindfold your brother so he doesn't spot your parents making home movies and tearing up in the back row?
It's a shame that your brother's relationship with your mom and dad is so damaged that he wouldn't want their support on this day; perhaps he's worried that they actually wouldn't be supportive?
Maybe I'm a softy for siblings, but I honestly think your brother deserves this moment. Without your parent's support (emotionally or financially) he's made it to this place in his life. If your parent's presence is going to be that upsetting to him, I think you need to respect him. Perhaps there's another family member who can stand in? Another sibling? A favourite aunt or a grandparent? Someone who can sit in the audience and capture the moment for both of you.
There's no reason why your parents can't take you out for dinner afterwards to show you how proud they are. Perhaps this sticky situation will act as catalyst for change in your family, once your parents realize what they've missed out on.
Good luck!
Dear Lola,
My “best friend” and I have been BFF's since grade 3. Now that we're in college though, she makes me crazy. She's totally selfish and superficial and she treats her boyfriend and I like crap. I finally got fed up, so last weekend while she was back home I invited her boyfriend over, got drunk and slept with him. Problem is; now he likes me and thinks I like him too! Help!
Part-Time Lover
Dear Lover,
Okay, let me get this straight; your “best friend” was irritating you so you slept with her boyfriend? Huh? How about spending some time apart or making some new friends? Did you honestly think that the perfect way to magically change her behaviour was to shatter any sense of trust or confidence that she had in the people she's closest too? Dear lord, good thing they didn't send you in to settle the college and faculty union's contract; an orgy is not an effective tool for dispute resolution, sweetie!
I don't know what bizzaro world you've just landed from, but sleeping with someone actually does usually mean you're “kinda into” them. Your disbelief and apparent frustration with the fact that this guy actually took your behaviour as a sign that you possibly harbored some type of desire or interest in him beyond sabotaging your lifelong friendship is mind-boggling!
Girls like you could be made into prototypes to be used in war; self-destructing narcissists with complete and utter disregard for decency or the complexity of human life.
I'm crossing my fingers that this guy gave you herpes.
Love Lola
Dear Lola,
I have a friend who is constantly updating his “relationship status” on Facebook. Every time he goes to a bar or a party and meets a girl, “boom” they're in a relationship. It's so pathetic and painful to watch. He is in and out of relationships on a weekly basis. The worst part is, he expects us to be excited or invested in these couplings as though they were special or significant. What's the social protocol here?
Face Value
Dear Face,
Unfortunately for many of us, the world of social networking does not appear to be a fad that is passing us by anytime soon. The days of talking on the phone, meeting up on the weekends and anonymously running errand is over!
Between Twitter and Facebook we've all become so flipping obsessed with our own image that we're constantly marketing ourselves through sexy profile pics and catchy status updates; “Jessica Smith has a bad case of the Mondays” is now considered newsworthy enough to warrant the purchase of a $400 pocket-computer and demand WiFi access in coffee houses across the city.
Sadly, your friends behaviour cannot be exclusively blamed on Facebook (or Twitter, or his blog or his MySpace page...), the ugly truth is that he's probably always been one of those guys who is a little out of touch with reality and is just one of those (hopeless) romantics that believes every girl he meets is “the one.” It's just now he's putting it out there for the whole world to see.
For people who are socially awkward, isolated or otherwise romantically-challenged, these sites offer an invaluable opportunity to connect with dozens of women of all ages and sizes without ever having to leave the comfort of the Dungeon of Dragons. They can sculpt and edit their profiles to appear gregarious and quirky and, in the case of your friend, a lover to many, many women.
Sure, it's sad to see a man claim victory and then slip silently into the shadows over and over again, but eventually one of them will stick, right? I think the modern Miss Manners would suggest that you wait until you actually meet one of these women before scheduling a double date.
Good luck!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
My brother and I are both graduating this year, we're in different programs, but our ceremony will be on the same day. The problem is he doesn't get along with our parents; he moved out when he was 18 and never looked back. I want my folks there, but he's asked me not to invite them. What should I do?
Little Sister
Dear Sister,
Hmmm, you've got yourself into quite a messy predicament here, don't you? What's the saying? Blood's thicker than water? Is it thick enough to blindfold your brother so he doesn't spot your parents making home movies and tearing up in the back row?
It's a shame that your brother's relationship with your mom and dad is so damaged that he wouldn't want their support on this day; perhaps he's worried that they actually wouldn't be supportive?
Maybe I'm a softy for siblings, but I honestly think your brother deserves this moment. Without your parent's support (emotionally or financially) he's made it to this place in his life. If your parent's presence is going to be that upsetting to him, I think you need to respect him. Perhaps there's another family member who can stand in? Another sibling? A favourite aunt or a grandparent? Someone who can sit in the audience and capture the moment for both of you.
There's no reason why your parents can't take you out for dinner afterwards to show you how proud they are. Perhaps this sticky situation will act as catalyst for change in your family, once your parents realize what they've missed out on.
Good luck!
Dear Lola,
My “best friend” and I have been BFF's since grade 3. Now that we're in college though, she makes me crazy. She's totally selfish and superficial and she treats her boyfriend and I like crap. I finally got fed up, so last weekend while she was back home I invited her boyfriend over, got drunk and slept with him. Problem is; now he likes me and thinks I like him too! Help!
Part-Time Lover
Dear Lover,
Okay, let me get this straight; your “best friend” was irritating you so you slept with her boyfriend? Huh? How about spending some time apart or making some new friends? Did you honestly think that the perfect way to magically change her behaviour was to shatter any sense of trust or confidence that she had in the people she's closest too? Dear lord, good thing they didn't send you in to settle the college and faculty union's contract; an orgy is not an effective tool for dispute resolution, sweetie!
I don't know what bizzaro world you've just landed from, but sleeping with someone actually does usually mean you're “kinda into” them. Your disbelief and apparent frustration with the fact that this guy actually took your behaviour as a sign that you possibly harbored some type of desire or interest in him beyond sabotaging your lifelong friendship is mind-boggling!
Girls like you could be made into prototypes to be used in war; self-destructing narcissists with complete and utter disregard for decency or the complexity of human life.
I'm crossing my fingers that this guy gave you herpes.
Love Lola
Dear Lola,
I have a friend who is constantly updating his “relationship status” on Facebook. Every time he goes to a bar or a party and meets a girl, “boom” they're in a relationship. It's so pathetic and painful to watch. He is in and out of relationships on a weekly basis. The worst part is, he expects us to be excited or invested in these couplings as though they were special or significant. What's the social protocol here?
Face Value
Dear Face,
Unfortunately for many of us, the world of social networking does not appear to be a fad that is passing us by anytime soon. The days of talking on the phone, meeting up on the weekends and anonymously running errand is over!
Between Twitter and Facebook we've all become so flipping obsessed with our own image that we're constantly marketing ourselves through sexy profile pics and catchy status updates; “Jessica Smith has a bad case of the Mondays” is now considered newsworthy enough to warrant the purchase of a $400 pocket-computer and demand WiFi access in coffee houses across the city.
Sadly, your friends behaviour cannot be exclusively blamed on Facebook (or Twitter, or his blog or his MySpace page...), the ugly truth is that he's probably always been one of those guys who is a little out of touch with reality and is just one of those (hopeless) romantics that believes every girl he meets is “the one.” It's just now he's putting it out there for the whole world to see.
For people who are socially awkward, isolated or otherwise romantically-challenged, these sites offer an invaluable opportunity to connect with dozens of women of all ages and sizes without ever having to leave the comfort of the Dungeon of Dragons. They can sculpt and edit their profiles to appear gregarious and quirky and, in the case of your friend, a lover to many, many women.
Sure, it's sad to see a man claim victory and then slip silently into the shadows over and over again, but eventually one of them will stick, right? I think the modern Miss Manners would suggest that you wait until you actually meet one of these women before scheduling a double date.
Good luck!
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
