Love, Lust and Lies: How friendly can you really get?
Many of us admit that we simply
have no time for dating while being
a student, so we look for the next
best thing: friends with benefits.
This has become a common trend with college and university students who just don't have time or simply don't want the hassle of being in a relationship but are seeking some of the benefits.
This got me thinking, even though it's called "friends" with benefits, how friendly can you really get?
What makes a FWB so different from a random pickup at the bar or the occasional 2 a.m. booty call? Two things: you get to set your own rules and there is a mutual respect.
Making your own rules appeals to most people because — let's face it — we don't all have the same "needs." It is important to discuss these rules early on in the relationship, but it must also be made clear that there is a mutual agreement on these boundaries.
For example, let's say you and your FWB are not exclusive, but your friends are off limits. Later, you find out that your FWB had sex with one of your friends. How would you feel? You will feel like crap, trust me. If it's not exclusive but you don't want them to sleep with your friends, just tell them. Don't make the mistake of thinking the concept of "my-friends-are-offlimits" is an unspoken understanding. No one can read minds, although I feel like dating would be so much easier if we could.
There is one rule that always applies: never get attached. That's why you can't get too friendly with your FWB, the rules don't allow for it.
So how friendly is too friendly?
The best potential FWB is the type of friend that you occasionally talk to when you run into them at school or at the bars. You are friendly, but you're not great friends, so there is little emotional attachment. If you have a friend that you know and trust, someone that you tell your life stories to, this will not make for a good FWB. If you do this with your FWB, you have officially become too friendly. So here is my advice to any of you that fall under this category: run!
So if the one constant rule is never get attached, how can you really be friends? The truth is you can get as friendly as you want, but the friendlier you are there, the greater the chance that you will get hurt. You want to be friends with the person, but if it were ever to end badly and the friendship came to an end, you would not miss them too much. In order for FWB to work, there needs to be a physical connection with no emotional connection. As soon as emotions are involved, someone is bound to get hurt.
This has become a common trend with college and university students who just don't have time or simply don't want the hassle of being in a relationship but are seeking some of the benefits.
This got me thinking, even though it's called "friends" with benefits, how friendly can you really get?
What makes a FWB so different from a random pickup at the bar or the occasional 2 a.m. booty call? Two things: you get to set your own rules and there is a mutual respect.
Making your own rules appeals to most people because — let's face it — we don't all have the same "needs." It is important to discuss these rules early on in the relationship, but it must also be made clear that there is a mutual agreement on these boundaries.
For example, let's say you and your FWB are not exclusive, but your friends are off limits. Later, you find out that your FWB had sex with one of your friends. How would you feel? You will feel like crap, trust me. If it's not exclusive but you don't want them to sleep with your friends, just tell them. Don't make the mistake of thinking the concept of "my-friends-are-offlimits" is an unspoken understanding. No one can read minds, although I feel like dating would be so much easier if we could.
There is one rule that always applies: never get attached. That's why you can't get too friendly with your FWB, the rules don't allow for it.
So how friendly is too friendly?
The best potential FWB is the type of friend that you occasionally talk to when you run into them at school or at the bars. You are friendly, but you're not great friends, so there is little emotional attachment. If you have a friend that you know and trust, someone that you tell your life stories to, this will not make for a good FWB. If you do this with your FWB, you have officially become too friendly. So here is my advice to any of you that fall under this category: run!
So if the one constant rule is never get attached, how can you really be friends? The truth is you can get as friendly as you want, but the friendlier you are there, the greater the chance that you will get hurt. You want to be friends with the person, but if it were ever to end badly and the friendship came to an end, you would not miss them too much. In order for FWB to work, there needs to be a physical connection with no emotional connection. As soon as emotions are involved, someone is bound to get hurt.
