A skinny, nerdy teenager from Winnipeg, Manitoba was hugely disappointed after realizing that his large, expensive tattoo did not toughen up his image as he had hoped.

Instead, Dwight Lowen, an 18-year old senior at Kennedy High School, has been ordered by his mother to remove the tattoo and seek counseling.

The tattoo is supposed to represent two large fists tearing into Dwight's chest cavity, presumably to tear out his still-beating heart. When asked why Dwight chose this image to get inked onto his hairless, bony chest, he replied, “I thought the chicks would think it made me look tough and heartless. They seem to like that sort of thing.”

His idea for the tattoo struck him after asking out a fellow classmate, Katie DeVry, to the upcoming senior prom. DeVry turned him down, asserting that he wasn't manly enough. Witnesses who saw the conversation report that she then got on her Harley Davidson motorcycle and rode home.

Lowen's best friend and long-time chess partner Jeffrey “Jaff” Chung told reporters that Dwight really liked Katie, and really thought the tattoo would impress her. Katie is known for her gruff image, and has several tattoos and piercings, herself.

Dwight's mother discovered the tattoo when she spotted him running from the bathroom to his bedroom after a shower one morning.

“I couldn't believe what I was seeing,” Mrs. Lowen said. “I only got a quick glance, and it looked like he was covered in blood! I demanded to see what was wrong, and that's when he showed me that giant mutilation on his chest.

“I was appalled; I almost fainted, you know,” she added.

Dwight desperately wants to keep the tattoo, believing that when he goes to college next year, the girls there will be cooler, and will really, “dig the ink.” But despite his begging, Dwight's mother has demanded that he get it removed.

In a tough ultimatum, Mrs. Lowen stated that either he remove the tattoo, or he will spend the rest of his years under her roof grounded. He would also lose all TV, Internet and video game privileges, but said she would not take away his phone.

“No one but Jeffrey ever calls him anyway,” she said.

The laser removal of a tattoo that size could cost up to $5000, which is equivalent to 17 years of allowance and chore money. Dwight complained that it would be impossible to save the money without having access to his eBay account, but Mrs. Lowen would not negotiate the conditions in the ultimatum.

Dwight is expected to have his decision next week.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.