Curious about your carnal urges, but bashful about your butt? Feeling slightly daunted by the mysterious derriere? Don't worry — you're not alone.

Virtually everybody can derive pleasure from anal sex — whether on the penetrating or receiving end. So sit back, read on, and let these people fill in some of the cracks in your knowledge about anal sex.

An anal sex expert
Tristan Taormino is a sex educator, anal enthusiast and author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, an excellent resource for anyone of any gender who is interested in anal.

A lot of preparation has to go into having a good anal experience, and it all begins with talking. "Communication is probably one of the most important things for having satisfying sex of all kinds, but I think it's especially important for anal sex," explained Taormino. "The ass comes along with some cultural baggage, and people have a lot of myths and misinformation about anal sex."

She recommended laying everything you've heard about anal sex — jokes, stories and so on — on the table with your partner to address and assuage each others' fears. "Everybody's got to be ready, willing and able to do it. If you have unresolved anxiety or nervousness, it's just not going to work."

Though your first time being on the receiving end of anal may be uncomfortable, Taormino stressed that anal sex should never, ever hurt. "There are some people who feel a kind of discomfort," she said, comparing it to the feeling of needing to poop. "If it hurts, that's your body's signal that you're not ready, that you haven't used enough lube, that you've gone too far too fast, that you still have incredible tension — maybe you've had a bad day, that registers in your ass."

"People need to listen to their body. There is no working through the pain to get to the pleasure — that's a myth."

For the person doing the penetrating — also known as the top — she suggested starting out slowly with one finger to help you better understand your partner's ass. "The fingers are so sensitive and I feel like you can really get a sense of the butt and how it works and how it feels if your fingers are inside someone. In some sense, if you put a toy in someone, you're relying on (the bottom) to tell you what's going on, but you don't have a sense of it because it's not connected to your body." When using your finger for penetration, remember to wear gloves and use plenty of lube.

When starting out with anal sex, always take things slowly. "One of the things that happens is that, when penetration first happens, (the tops) often say, 'I'm in there and I'm so excited and I can't help myself!'" she laughed. "You have to dial that back a little bit. Remember that the person you're inside is getting used to that feeling."

Going slowly and having reasonable expectations go hand in hand. "I think that for someone who has never had anything in their ass, it's unreasonable to think that they're going to have a penis or a dildo or a nice fat butt plug (in there the first time)," Taormino said. "It's much more helpful to the process to say, 'We're going to get one finger in there, add some genital stimulation, have an orgasm.' That's an experience that you can build on."

"Remember, lots of people's first-time experiences are negative, and then you have this other hurdle to get over," she added. "Start out with a really good experience."

Still feeling a little weird about entering through the back door? Relax, said Taormino. "People need to have a sense of humour, because we are playing with our buttholes! We take ourselves too seriously, and that's never going to work. I think people need to approach it with a little bit of laughter and humour and be sweet and be gentle on themselves and to each other."

A public health nurse
Erica Zarins is a Public Health Nurse with the Middlesex-London Health Unit's Sexual Health Promotion Team.

Before starting anything, get tested, Zarins recommended. There's nothing sexier than knowing you're both clean before getting down and dirty. "At least know your status about things. Most sexually transmitted infections can be passed by anal sex." No matter your status, always use a condom for safety and for easier clean up.

If oral-anal sex (also known as rimming) is something that intrigues you, be sure to use a dental dam or a slit-open condom to ensure cleanliness and safety. Hepatitis A and E. coli can be passed through the oral-fecal route, said Zarins.

When using sex toys, she cautioned women not to "double-dip" toys from the anus to the vagina. "The bacteria in our anuses is different from what's in our vaginas, so we could get a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, that kind of thing," she warned. If you want to share a toy with a partner, always use condoms on the toy and clean it very well when you're done.

One thing to ensure when preparing for anal sex is to lube up. "The mucosa (lining) of the anus is very, very fragile, and it's very easy to get little breaks in it." Zarins said that using lube will reduce the risks of tearing the delicate lining of the anus. Anal tears, also known as fissures, can cause painful bowel movements and bleeding. "The wetter, the better!" she said. "It's all about making things as safe as possible and then using tons and tons of lube." Taormino said she recommended thick, water-based lube as her favourite for anal sex.

A woman
Jane Tremblay (name has been changed to protect privacy) said she would consider herself very much an anal sex "beginner," having been on the receiving end of things twice.

In order to prepare for the experience, Tremblay recommended emptying your bowel and bladder, as well as cleaning the genital area. Lay a towel down where you plan to have sex for easier cleanup — messes happen!

To get things heated up, Tremblay said she highly recommended engaging in a significant amount of foreplay before getting started on the main event. "Start by rimming (oral-anal), then progress to fingering to gauge what the receptive partner is able to tolerate."

"When the bottom has opened up enough and is aroused to the point of going the next step, the top is to put on a condom. There is no other option here," stressed Tremblay.

Tremblay said she used a small vibrator (four inches long and about an inch in diameter) during anal sex. "This helped transfer sensation to the clitoris as well as to my partner's penis, much to the pleasure of all involved."

Tremblay described the feeling of having anal sex as ... well ... different. "It's a very full feeling, much like the exact reverse of passing a good bowel movement," she explained. "When one goes slow with significant prep and lube, it doesn't hurt as much as it possibly could. It did hurt a bit working up to something as large as a penis entering, but it was quickly resolved and totally worth it once fully taken in."

A man
Cooper Black (name has been changed to protect privacy) is a gay man who said he has a lot of experience being the receiving partner in anal sex.

Black said that for him, the amount of preparation before receiving anal sex depends on his partner. "If you're going to the club and you think you might hook up, just make sure you're clean — that's basically the rule," he said, adding that it's important not to eat any "foliage," as that may cause some additional mess.

"You don't want to be coming off a turkey dinner and givin' 'er," he joked. "It's one of those things that if you know it's going to be done with someone special and you don't want to worry about something coming out or you don't want to worry about looking bad, you will prepare."

Before attempting anal sex for the first time with a partner, Black strongly recommended practicing by yourself. "It's about trying it out yourself, and knowing what you like before doing it with someone else is always great."

"The people who say masturbation is not cool are the people who are the worst lays," he added jokingly.

Porn can be a great research tool, but Black said to watch with a realistic eye. "Things in porn are not real life. If you see someone doing something in a porno, they're being paid (lots of money) to make that look like it's fun."

When you do decide to engage in anal play with someone, "Try to make sure your first time is with someone who you trust and like and not just a random (person)," Black advised. "Your first couple of times, you're going to want to be with someone you trust. When it's your first time, it's important to you."

"After your fourth or fifth time (when you're more experienced with it), you'll feel comfortable doing it with someone just for the experience and not for the overall connection."

For more information about anal sex, check out the Middlesex-London Health Unit's factsheet on anal sex at tinyurl.com/MLHUanal and Tristan Taormino's website at puckerup.com.