Love, Lust and Lies: Some things should be off-limits
Call me weird, but I like to keep
my friends and guys separate.
What I mean is that I would never
date a guy who has dated or
hooked up with one of my friends,
nor would I want any guy I've
dated to date any of my friends.
Some of you might think that last
part sounds a bit selfish, but then
you obviously have never had that
happen to you. Some people don't
think there is anything wrong with
going out with a friend's ex
because their friend didn't want
them, so why does it matter?
I will be the first to admit that I have been pursued by the friends of guys I've dated, and maybe once or twice I've given in. So let me tell you, it matters! It's never a good idea, no matter how you decide to look at it; some things should be off-limits, and friends are one of them!
If you are dating your ex's friend, the situation is always going to be awkward. I dated a guy for a few months, and it didn't work out, but we continued to hang out on and off throughout the year and stayed friends. The following summer, I went out with some of his friends without him, and one of them told me that he liked me and was always jealous of his friend while we were dating. Who wouldn't be flattered? So we started seeing each other, but we decided not to tell his friends. Problem: if you can't tell people, especially your friends, then you shouldn't be doing it. Period!
In the end, it didn't work out, and every time I run into either one of them or their friends it's uncomfortable because I was "that girl" who came between two friends. That is not a situation you want to be in because instead of talking about sports or what happened on Modern Family last week, they will talk about you and all the things you did with each of them. I'm going to be honest here: most of the time, it's never really nice stories.
There is also a chance that it could look like you are doing it to get revenge on someone and you don't want to come across as bitter. I've contemplated the idea of dating an ex's friend just to get back at him, but this isn't high school. In the end, no matter what happened, I could never hurt someone I used to care about. Doing things out of spite or to get back at someone isn't a flattering quality, and in the end you only end up hurting yourself.
Not only should you not date your ex's friends, you should never date your friends' exes!
Just think of how much you would know about them if they dated your friend first, and all the things you wouldn't want to know. Part of the fun of dating is getting to know someone for yourself and when you have already developed opinions about them, it's hard for most people to get past that. If your friend used to tell you that she could never trust him because he lied to her so much, how could you trust him? You will always be wondering if he is telling you the truth or not and it will destroy your relationship before it even begins.
The thought of being with someone who has been with one of your friends emotionally and physically is something that would also be difficult for anyone to get past. This can lead to second-guessing if they are really over your friend. I know they could still be into their ex even if it's not your friend, but it's not quite the same. You're not constantly reminded of their past relationship if you don't really know their ex. If it's your friend, it's hard to avoid or ignore your boyfriend's or girlfriend's past since it will always be right in front of you. You would know everything they did together and what they meant to each other, and it might be too difficult for you to ignore.
Even if your friend says they are over this person and they're with someone else, that doesn't mean it's right. Most of us pretend to make moving on easy, but it isn't. To see your friend with your ex could be hard to handle. It's easy to move on from someone when you are no longer in their life, but once they are back in your life dating one of your friends, it might be so hard to get over that it might cost you that friendship.
Dating friends' exes becomes complicated, exhausting and stressful, so unless you think this might be the love of your life, walk away, because it's not worth it. Most guys and girls who come into your life will leave, but your friends are the ones who will always be there and that is what should really count.
I will be the first to admit that I have been pursued by the friends of guys I've dated, and maybe once or twice I've given in. So let me tell you, it matters! It's never a good idea, no matter how you decide to look at it; some things should be off-limits, and friends are one of them!
If you are dating your ex's friend, the situation is always going to be awkward. I dated a guy for a few months, and it didn't work out, but we continued to hang out on and off throughout the year and stayed friends. The following summer, I went out with some of his friends without him, and one of them told me that he liked me and was always jealous of his friend while we were dating. Who wouldn't be flattered? So we started seeing each other, but we decided not to tell his friends. Problem: if you can't tell people, especially your friends, then you shouldn't be doing it. Period!
In the end, it didn't work out, and every time I run into either one of them or their friends it's uncomfortable because I was "that girl" who came between two friends. That is not a situation you want to be in because instead of talking about sports or what happened on Modern Family last week, they will talk about you and all the things you did with each of them. I'm going to be honest here: most of the time, it's never really nice stories.
There is also a chance that it could look like you are doing it to get revenge on someone and you don't want to come across as bitter. I've contemplated the idea of dating an ex's friend just to get back at him, but this isn't high school. In the end, no matter what happened, I could never hurt someone I used to care about. Doing things out of spite or to get back at someone isn't a flattering quality, and in the end you only end up hurting yourself.
Not only should you not date your ex's friends, you should never date your friends' exes!
Just think of how much you would know about them if they dated your friend first, and all the things you wouldn't want to know. Part of the fun of dating is getting to know someone for yourself and when you have already developed opinions about them, it's hard for most people to get past that. If your friend used to tell you that she could never trust him because he lied to her so much, how could you trust him? You will always be wondering if he is telling you the truth or not and it will destroy your relationship before it even begins.
The thought of being with someone who has been with one of your friends emotionally and physically is something that would also be difficult for anyone to get past. This can lead to second-guessing if they are really over your friend. I know they could still be into their ex even if it's not your friend, but it's not quite the same. You're not constantly reminded of their past relationship if you don't really know their ex. If it's your friend, it's hard to avoid or ignore your boyfriend's or girlfriend's past since it will always be right in front of you. You would know everything they did together and what they meant to each other, and it might be too difficult for you to ignore.
Even if your friend says they are over this person and they're with someone else, that doesn't mean it's right. Most of us pretend to make moving on easy, but it isn't. To see your friend with your ex could be hard to handle. It's easy to move on from someone when you are no longer in their life, but once they are back in your life dating one of your friends, it might be so hard to get over that it might cost you that friendship.
Dating friends' exes becomes complicated, exhausting and stressful, so unless you think this might be the love of your life, walk away, because it's not worth it. Most guys and girls who come into your life will leave, but your friends are the ones who will always be there and that is what should really count.
