Man throws urine, starts citywide protests
What started with one angry man splashing urine on the ladies working behind the counter at Tim Hortons in downtown London, has turned into a pee-fueled protesting epidemic.
Local anti-corporate protesters took a page from Abdolamir Taki, who committed the original urine splashing crime, and headed to One London Place to hold a demonstration.
“They all had water bottles and it was very confusing until they started to spray us with the liquid,” said Vicky Lamond, a secretary in the building. “I knew the moment the liquid hit my face that it was urine, you know pee-pee.”
The protesters, made up of seven men and three women involved in the Freedom from the Shackles of Consumerism group, also has signs that read, “Greed = Wal-Mart” and “Stop selling your soul for Cash.”
“I had no idea what was going on,” said Gary Van Fruugl, an accountant who also works at One London Place. “But what I do know is that I am getting my Armani suit dry cleaned as we speak. Those people are disgusting.”
According to official police reports, 13 people who work in the London high-rise building were sprayed with what can be assumed as protesters' urine.
“We have eight suspects in custody,” said Constable George Milton. “We also have apprehended some of the urine filled water bottles and we are doing DNA tests on some of the victims clothing.”
Constable Milton said at least one of the protesters, who hasn't yet been named, has been charged with committing an indecent act and assault.
Marketing coordinator for One London Place, Mark Jonston, said the high rise condones urine spraying as an act of protest and the group should look for other, less grotesque, ways of getting their message across.
“I have no idea why anyone would choose to harm innocent people like that. They were just trying to go to work and now they have the threat of urine to face,” said Jonston. “This whole ordeal is just disgusting.”
The Freedom from the Shackles of Consumerism website (www.abolishconsumerism.com) has posted a blog that encourages fellow protesters to collect their urine and use it in future demonstrations.
“If you store [urine] in the fridge it should be fine for months,” reports the blog. “That way you will have hoards to dump on unsuspecting minions.”
Police say they are stepping up security during protests to make sure no more urine is used in future demonstrations.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Local anti-corporate protesters took a page from Abdolamir Taki, who committed the original urine splashing crime, and headed to One London Place to hold a demonstration.
“They all had water bottles and it was very confusing until they started to spray us with the liquid,” said Vicky Lamond, a secretary in the building. “I knew the moment the liquid hit my face that it was urine, you know pee-pee.”
The protesters, made up of seven men and three women involved in the Freedom from the Shackles of Consumerism group, also has signs that read, “Greed = Wal-Mart” and “Stop selling your soul for Cash.”
“I had no idea what was going on,” said Gary Van Fruugl, an accountant who also works at One London Place. “But what I do know is that I am getting my Armani suit dry cleaned as we speak. Those people are disgusting.”
According to official police reports, 13 people who work in the London high-rise building were sprayed with what can be assumed as protesters' urine.
“We have eight suspects in custody,” said Constable George Milton. “We also have apprehended some of the urine filled water bottles and we are doing DNA tests on some of the victims clothing.”
Constable Milton said at least one of the protesters, who hasn't yet been named, has been charged with committing an indecent act and assault.
Marketing coordinator for One London Place, Mark Jonston, said the high rise condones urine spraying as an act of protest and the group should look for other, less grotesque, ways of getting their message across.
“I have no idea why anyone would choose to harm innocent people like that. They were just trying to go to work and now they have the threat of urine to face,” said Jonston. “This whole ordeal is just disgusting.”
The Freedom from the Shackles of Consumerism website (www.abolishconsumerism.com) has posted a blog that encourages fellow protesters to collect their urine and use it in future demonstrations.
“If you store [urine] in the fridge it should be fine for months,” reports the blog. “That way you will have hoards to dump on unsuspecting minions.”
Police say they are stepping up security during protests to make sure no more urine is used in future demonstrations.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
