Wal-Mart being sued for getting three women pregnant
Notorious uberstore Wal-Mart is in trouble again; this time with pro-choice groups and women across the country after three American women were denied the morning-after pill and subsequently got pregnant.
The three women, Kate Roebeck, 19, from Atlanta, GA; Maribeth Lawson, 23, from Ft Lauderdale, FL; and Sue Casey, 37, from New York, NY, are filing a joint lawsuit against the chain for a sum reportedly in the $3 billion range.
The lawsuit was filed after all three women went to Wal-Mart stores in their hometowns with a prescription, signed by a medical doctor, for the morning-after pill. But all three women were turned down at the stores' pharmacies, and were not able to get the pill within the 36-hour window they had to administer the medication.
Due to the inability to get the pill in the three-day timeframe, all three women were later found to be pregnant.
“Even though Wal-Mart owns approximately three fifths of the entire planet, we still think the choice should have been up to the women,” said the womens' lawyer, Francis Smythe. “We are going to make sure that these babies are paid for by Wal-Mart for the rest of their lives!”
On average, caring for a child until the age of 18 costs approximately $1 milllion. The extra money in the lawsuit, Smythe says, is for punitive damages.
“All of these women have never carried children, and they will never get their pre-baby bodies back,” Smythe said.
“Well, maybe the young one, but the other two? No chance!”
At a press conference announcing the lawsuit, Smythe lifted up her shirt to show the media her cesarian-section scar
“You think this goes away?!? Well, it doesn't. These women are going to have to deal with mom bodies for the rest of their lives. And what will Wal-Mart do? Nothing! He'll sit on the couch, eat chips and watch golf all friggin' day while I cook and clean and take care of his little brat!” Smythe screamed to the astonished crowd.
After another 10 minutes of ranting and screaming, Smythe was removed from the press conference.
The women represented in the lawsuit are considering a new lawyer, although they plan to go ahead with the suit.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
The three women, Kate Roebeck, 19, from Atlanta, GA; Maribeth Lawson, 23, from Ft Lauderdale, FL; and Sue Casey, 37, from New York, NY, are filing a joint lawsuit against the chain for a sum reportedly in the $3 billion range.
The lawsuit was filed after all three women went to Wal-Mart stores in their hometowns with a prescription, signed by a medical doctor, for the morning-after pill. But all three women were turned down at the stores' pharmacies, and were not able to get the pill within the 36-hour window they had to administer the medication.
Due to the inability to get the pill in the three-day timeframe, all three women were later found to be pregnant.
“Even though Wal-Mart owns approximately three fifths of the entire planet, we still think the choice should have been up to the women,” said the womens' lawyer, Francis Smythe. “We are going to make sure that these babies are paid for by Wal-Mart for the rest of their lives!”
On average, caring for a child until the age of 18 costs approximately $1 milllion. The extra money in the lawsuit, Smythe says, is for punitive damages.
“All of these women have never carried children, and they will never get their pre-baby bodies back,” Smythe said.
“Well, maybe the young one, but the other two? No chance!”
At a press conference announcing the lawsuit, Smythe lifted up her shirt to show the media her cesarian-section scar
“You think this goes away?!? Well, it doesn't. These women are going to have to deal with mom bodies for the rest of their lives. And what will Wal-Mart do? Nothing! He'll sit on the couch, eat chips and watch golf all friggin' day while I cook and clean and take care of his little brat!” Smythe screamed to the astonished crowd.
After another 10 minutes of ranting and screaming, Smythe was removed from the press conference.
The women represented in the lawsuit are considering a new lawyer, although they plan to go ahead with the suit.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
