Love, Lust and Lies: Signs you might be a commitment-phobe

We all do things in life without rhyme or reason, which, to the people around, you may seem senseless and stupid. I'm not afraid to admit I've made bad decisions when it comes to relationships over the years. I have never regretted anything, but I have definitely wondered why I did what I did. Recently I started thinking about the reasons in which I did those things, and have come to the conclusion that I may be terrified of a real relationship. Women don't like to admit it, but we can be just as scared of commitment as our male counterparts.

I'm not here to tell you how to fix your fear of commitment, because honestly I don't know how to fix it, myself. What I do know is that everyone has their own reasons, but the first step would be to realize that you are one of the many women who are afraid to commit to a relationship. So here are some signs to help you identify your phobia of commitment.

You've been hurt in the past
One common factor in women who have a hard time with commitment is that they have been hurt in the past, whether it's by family, friends or loved ones. There is only so much pain a person is willing to put themselves through, so when it has become too much, they become guarded.

You associate relationships with negativity
If you associate negative things with relationships or love, that could be a sign that you are afraid of commitment. My roommate came up with a list of words and had me say the first thing that came to my mind when I heard each one. Anytime she mentioned words relating to commitment like “marriage,” “love” or “pain,” the first words that came to my mind were “divorce,” “evil” or “love,” respectively — not the most positive way to look at relationships.

You stay in rocky relationships
You stay in relationships when you know there is no real future. Even though you know you need to end the relationship, you can't bring yourself to do it. I've been in this situation so many times, and I could never justify why I stayed as long as I did. You hear all the time about how nice guys finish last and girls go after assholes. The reason jerks can be appealing is because we know in the end it won't last. They will do something to mess it up, and in the end it won't be our fault that we got hurt.

You have impossibly high standards
Yes, girls are picky and, at times, high maintenance. However, some girls will never find a guy who lives up to her standards. This is because she makes it impossible for anyone to be good enough for her. The reason she is alone is not her fault; it's because there is no one good enough.

You chase unattainable men
We always want what we can't have, and when we get it, we don't want it. Sound familiar? If you always find yourself going after guys that you know you can't have — maybe they live far away or they are in relationships — deep down, you know you can't be with them, but that doesn't stop you from telling yourself it can happen.

You run from good relationships
When you are in a relationship that seems perfect, is that when you start second-guessing everything? The very thought of someone who cares about you freaks you out, so you run away.

You prefer serial dating
If you prefer dating one guy after another — or multiple guys at once — it might be because you like to keep men at arm's length, you never let yourself get too close. One guy told me that he likes dating one girl at a time so he can get to know her. I, on the other hand, like to date multiple guys at once so I don't really get attached to any of them. How can you fall for someone if you have other people to confuse you?

If you think you might have commitment issues, the first thing you can do is identify the problem. Then you need to find out why you have those fears in order to overcome them. Don't throw away the good relationships in your life because you are terrified. Some things in life should be worth the risk.