Notes From Day Seven: Failure, coddling and student success
In an article that's just appeared on the
Globe and Mail website, Paul Tough (I am
not making up the name) talks about students
and success. The article begins with
Margaret Wente's confession that she had
always thought that genes and IQ were much
more important in determining our success
than whether our parents hugged us or sat
beside us for piano lessons. If it's all about
genes and IQ, then there's not much anyone
could have done to make sure you succeed at
college.
But, according to Tough, there's no need to be so fatalistic. At the risk of oversimplifying the article, I'm going to highlight a few of his claims (and add a few thoughts of my own). First, he says that if your parents coddled you, that's good — as long as there was a lot of coddling when you were very little, say up to the age of three, decreasing as you grew older. If your parents hugged you when you cried and gave you presents that met your childhood needs, great.
Second, he says that if your parents were tough on you, letting you know when you did poorly as well as when you succeeded, that too is good — as long as they began doing that when you were around three. Generally, telling a nine-year-old that she's the best hockey player in the world doesn't help her succeed. It may be good for her self-esteem, but it will give her an unrealistic impression of what she can expect in the wider world where parents aren't going to be around to protect her from evaluations — it's much better to let her know that she should tighten up her skating and work on her slap shot.
Third, if you had the opportunity to succeed at things with less — or maybe even no — parental involvement, that too is a very good thing. Typically it would be best if you had such experiences in your teenage years. Tough mentions that he had a crazy idea of cycling from Atlanta to Halifax when he was 18 years old. He had little idea of all the challenges he would face, but he did it.
Fourth, if you've ever failed at something, consider yourself lucky. Teens and adults who have never failed at anything often have not developed the coping skills needed to survive when the path gets rocky. The experience of picking yourself up and starting again after failing a course, after being bullied or after coming in 14th in the long jump can be invaluable. As you overcome possible feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment and betrayal, and as you decide what your next steps are going to be, you find and build resiliency. Without resiliency, you may not reach your goals. With it, your chances are much greater.
Underlying much of this are two other factors. One of them is the importance of stable family. And a second is the importance of willpower. We all have the ability to make choices. For example, we can give in to frustration, anger, addictive tendencies or laziness. But we can also choose a better path with respect to all of these.
And to all of this, I would also add prayer. And that's for next week.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
But, according to Tough, there's no need to be so fatalistic. At the risk of oversimplifying the article, I'm going to highlight a few of his claims (and add a few thoughts of my own). First, he says that if your parents coddled you, that's good — as long as there was a lot of coddling when you were very little, say up to the age of three, decreasing as you grew older. If your parents hugged you when you cried and gave you presents that met your childhood needs, great.
Second, he says that if your parents were tough on you, letting you know when you did poorly as well as when you succeeded, that too is good — as long as they began doing that when you were around three. Generally, telling a nine-year-old that she's the best hockey player in the world doesn't help her succeed. It may be good for her self-esteem, but it will give her an unrealistic impression of what she can expect in the wider world where parents aren't going to be around to protect her from evaluations — it's much better to let her know that she should tighten up her skating and work on her slap shot.
Third, if you had the opportunity to succeed at things with less — or maybe even no — parental involvement, that too is a very good thing. Typically it would be best if you had such experiences in your teenage years. Tough mentions that he had a crazy idea of cycling from Atlanta to Halifax when he was 18 years old. He had little idea of all the challenges he would face, but he did it.
Fourth, if you've ever failed at something, consider yourself lucky. Teens and adults who have never failed at anything often have not developed the coping skills needed to survive when the path gets rocky. The experience of picking yourself up and starting again after failing a course, after being bullied or after coming in 14th in the long jump can be invaluable. As you overcome possible feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment and betrayal, and as you decide what your next steps are going to be, you find and build resiliency. Without resiliency, you may not reach your goals. With it, your chances are much greater.
Underlying much of this are two other factors. One of them is the importance of stable family. And a second is the importance of willpower. We all have the ability to make choices. For example, we can give in to frustration, anger, addictive tendencies or laziness. But we can also choose a better path with respect to all of these.
And to all of this, I would also add prayer. And that's for next week.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
