Spears donates millions to school to secure Sean Preston's education
Popstar-turned-mom Britney Spears is taking a proactive attitude towards her six-month old baby's future and investing in Sean Preston's post-secondary education before he's even out of diapers.
The star recently made a $10 million donation to Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Mass. to be used to update the university's entertainment law program and build a new wing of the famed law library to house more relevant materials.
“There just aren't enough copies of People, Us Magazine and the Enquirer for students to properly study the fundamentals of entertainment law,” Spears said in a public statement read by her publicists last week at the annual Friends of Harvard Law acknowledgement dinner, where philanthropic givers are gathered to praise each other over lobster and champagne.
But Lynne Garnet, a hairstylist close to Spears, claims that there was an ulterior motive to the generous donation.
“If you ask me, its more of an advanced tuition payment for little Sean Preston,” Garnet said. “I think she's pretty worried about his, um, learning abilities, and wants to make sure he can get into a good school, whether he can pass the entrance exam or not.”
This notion grew after a freelance investigator located Britney's transcripts from McComb County High School, which outlined Britney's near-failing grades in all but two of her subjects.
She failed Math and Science in grade 12, and barely scraped by with a pathetic 51 per cent in general English. Her highest marks were in gym class, where she got a 72.
Carolyn McPhee, her high school phys. ed. teacher said Spears likely would have failed that too, if it hadn't been for the classes on choreographed dance.
But the more worrisome parent of the two is deadbeat dad Kevin Federline, who didn't even finish high school according to his mother, Pam.
“Kevin wasn't much into school,” she said. “He always preferred playing outside with the other kids. You should have seen him skip rope — best on the block!”
Dr. Bill Preston, Ph.D, President of Harvard Law School, said that regardless of how much money the singer throws at the college, it will not help Sean Preston earn a place at Harvard.
“She must be insane to think that a little money from a high-profile pop artist can get an acceptance letter from the best university in the United States,” he said. “That only works for politicians.”
Spears could not be reached for comment, but her publicist said that Britney would never think that her son isn't smart enough to get into Harvard, and said that if there was any hidden motivation behind the donation, it was to get a Harvard sweatshirt. According to the publicist, Sean Preston is already surpassing Kevin's ability to count and say the alphabet. That, however, doesn't mean that he will be smart enough to get into Harvard.
“After all” she added, “there are a lot of babies out there that are smarter than K-Fed.”
There have also been reports that Spears is working on several deals with universities across the country as back-up in case the Harvard deal doesn't work out. She is in talks with University of Southern California, Brown University, and Princeton University, because, according to Spears, “Princeton sounds like Preston!”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
The star recently made a $10 million donation to Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Mass. to be used to update the university's entertainment law program and build a new wing of the famed law library to house more relevant materials.
“There just aren't enough copies of People, Us Magazine and the Enquirer for students to properly study the fundamentals of entertainment law,” Spears said in a public statement read by her publicists last week at the annual Friends of Harvard Law acknowledgement dinner, where philanthropic givers are gathered to praise each other over lobster and champagne.
But Lynne Garnet, a hairstylist close to Spears, claims that there was an ulterior motive to the generous donation.
“If you ask me, its more of an advanced tuition payment for little Sean Preston,” Garnet said. “I think she's pretty worried about his, um, learning abilities, and wants to make sure he can get into a good school, whether he can pass the entrance exam or not.”
This notion grew after a freelance investigator located Britney's transcripts from McComb County High School, which outlined Britney's near-failing grades in all but two of her subjects.
She failed Math and Science in grade 12, and barely scraped by with a pathetic 51 per cent in general English. Her highest marks were in gym class, where she got a 72.
Carolyn McPhee, her high school phys. ed. teacher said Spears likely would have failed that too, if it hadn't been for the classes on choreographed dance.
But the more worrisome parent of the two is deadbeat dad Kevin Federline, who didn't even finish high school according to his mother, Pam.
“Kevin wasn't much into school,” she said. “He always preferred playing outside with the other kids. You should have seen him skip rope — best on the block!”
Dr. Bill Preston, Ph.D, President of Harvard Law School, said that regardless of how much money the singer throws at the college, it will not help Sean Preston earn a place at Harvard.
“She must be insane to think that a little money from a high-profile pop artist can get an acceptance letter from the best university in the United States,” he said. “That only works for politicians.”
Spears could not be reached for comment, but her publicist said that Britney would never think that her son isn't smart enough to get into Harvard, and said that if there was any hidden motivation behind the donation, it was to get a Harvard sweatshirt. According to the publicist, Sean Preston is already surpassing Kevin's ability to count and say the alphabet. That, however, doesn't mean that he will be smart enough to get into Harvard.
“After all” she added, “there are a lot of babies out there that are smarter than K-Fed.”
There have also been reports that Spears is working on several deals with universities across the country as back-up in case the Harvard deal doesn't work out. She is in talks with University of Southern California, Brown University, and Princeton University, because, according to Spears, “Princeton sounds like Preston!”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
