Students shocked by College's USB diploma
Next week thousands of Fanshawe graduates will walk across the stage, dressed in ceremonial robes and mortarboard, and accept their diplomas for the semesters of hard work and dedication to higher education.
Their mothers and fathers, grandparents and significant others will be in the audience, watching proudly as their loved ones move forward towards the next step in their lives.
But this year one tiny change has been made in the graduation ceremonies.
Instead of the traditional 11x14 inch scroll diploma, graduating students will be receiving electronic USB keys with their credentials pasted into a word document.
“College President Howard Rundle sprained his right index finger last year from all the signatures he had to sign on the paper copies of the diplomas,” the unidentified registrar worker said. “We, as a whole, felt we needed to avoid such injuries again this year.”
The 2006 graduates will have an electronic copy of Rundle's signature cut and pasted into the word document, which replaces their diplomas.
“The new upgraded diploma is an economical and environmentally friendly alternative to its predecessor,” the source said. “Not to mention the health benefits to those who must sign the thousands of copies.”
The USB diplomas will save the college an estimated $2,000.
The excess money will fund complimentary coffee and tea, which all graduates and their guests are welcome to partake in after the graduation ceremony.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Their mothers and fathers, grandparents and significant others will be in the audience, watching proudly as their loved ones move forward towards the next step in their lives.
But this year one tiny change has been made in the graduation ceremonies.
Instead of the traditional 11x14 inch scroll diploma, graduating students will be receiving electronic USB keys with their credentials pasted into a word document.
“I honestly can't believe it,” said soon-to-be fashion design grad Natasha Logan. “Three years of studying, projects and essays and all I get is a damn computer chip. I spent close to $10,000 in tuition alone here and I was looking forward to hanging that piece of paper on my wall.”
Logan said since learning about the diploma change she has decided not to attend graduation, calling it a “waste of time.”
The first Fanshawe graduation was in 1967 and the initial diplomas were 11x14. Graduate certificates have stayed that size for almost forty years and close to 90,000 alumni have received their credentials in those dimensions.
“College President Howard Rundle sprained his right index finger last year from all the signatures he had to sign on the paper copies of the diplomas,” the unidentified registrar worker said. “We, as a whole, felt we needed to avoid such injuries again this year.”
The 2006 graduates will have an electronic copy of Rundle's signature cut and pasted into the word document, which replaces their diplomas.
“The new upgraded diploma is an economical and environmentally friendly alternative to its predecessor,” the source said. “Not to mention the health benefits to those who must sign the thousands of copies.”
The USB diplomas will save the college an estimated $2,000.
The excess money will fund complimentary coffee and tea, which all graduates and their guests are welcome to partake in after the graduation ceremony.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
