Purina diet helps shed the pounds, but further study needed
Purina Puppy Chow is being touted as a magic elixir to help shed unwanted pounds feeding optimism to a nation of would be dieters.
The Purina Diet is still in its testing phase, but test groups have been reporting positive results.
“I started the diet six weeks ago,” said Felix Eberhard. “The results were amazing. I lost over 50 pounds. I was feeling spry and energetic. It helped turn my life around.”
The Purina Diet is being hailed as essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. That the food is nutritionally complete also helped fuel the body and helped burn calories at the same time.
Health Canada continues to study the controversial diet before giving it an endorsement because of some reported side effects.
“I ended up in the hospital before my eight week test session was to come to an end,” said Eberhard. “One day I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. It was a really traumatic time. The diet had been working perfectly.
“I asked the nurses if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. They told me no; it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls and a car hit me.”
At that moment Eberhard thought he was going to have a heart attack and die of embarrassment, but upon further review he's ready to take the Purina plunge again.
“I'm starting The Purina Diet again, although I know I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,” said Eberhard. “The results are hard to ignore, and the side effects on further review aren't that bad really
Continued on C7
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Prouldy distorting the truth since 2005
The Purina Diet is still in its testing phase, but test groups have been reporting positive results.
“I started the diet six weeks ago,” said Felix Eberhard. “The results were amazing. I lost over 50 pounds. I was feeling spry and energetic. It helped turn my life around.”
The Purina Diet is being hailed as essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. That the food is nutritionally complete also helped fuel the body and helped burn calories at the same time.
Health Canada continues to study the controversial diet before giving it an endorsement because of some reported side effects.
“I ended up in the hospital before my eight week test session was to come to an end,” said Eberhard. “One day I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. It was a really traumatic time. The diet had been working perfectly.
“I asked the nurses if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. They told me no; it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls and a car hit me.”
At that moment Eberhard thought he was going to have a heart attack and die of embarrassment, but upon further review he's ready to take the Purina plunge again.
“I'm starting The Purina Diet again, although I know I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,” said Eberhard. “The results are hard to ignore, and the side effects on further review aren't that bad really
Continued on C7
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Prouldy distorting the truth since 2005
