CREDIT: CANDIS BROSS
Keeping around a pair of scissors for safety reasons is necessary for rope play. Just make sure they'll not actually safety scissors.

The lights are low, you’ve lit a few candles and your partner’s lying in front of you. It’s time to do the deed. The horizontal limbo. You know, sex.

But wait!

Out of the blue, your partner suggests something new, something a little different. They ask you how you feel about rope play. You suddenly realize you have no idea what you’re doing, and that’s okay. A lot of people don’t have any experience outside of vanilla sex, but after reading these quick tips you’ll be prepared to enter the weird and wonderful world of kink.

1) Always have a safe word.

Not just for kinky stuff, but for all sexy times. For those who don’t know, a safe word is a mutually agreed upon word that has nothing to do with any sort of sexual activity. This word can be said at any time during and it effectively means that whatever is currently happening is over. It must stop, immediately. It doesn’t mean that person doesn’t love you; it just means you need to respect your partner’s sexual boundaries. An easy way to lighten the mood is to make it a fun word like ocean or cheesy. To make it even better, use an inside joke. That way when the word is used, you can both laugh it will become a shared memory and a good way to bring emotions back to a resting state.

2) If it hurts, stop immediately.

This is just about trying something new, experimenting-not hurting. Your body uses pain as a way to say, “Hey, this will damage me, stop it!” No one wants to get nerve damage the first time being tied to a bed, and no one wants to damage their significant other by being ignorant to warning signs. Hard BDSM play has elements of pain, but huge lines of consent need to be drawn before, with loads of planning, and come on, if you’re reading this you’re just starting out. You are not ready for hard BDSM play yet, and that’s okay. When you are ready, the Internet will be your friend in researching how to happily and safely maintain that kind of relationship.

3) Communicate before, during and after playing.

What do both – or all – of you want and expect from each other before starting a scene? Explain how the scene will flow, and outline precautions like washroom/ food breaks. Talking during the action is important too, because this is for both of you. No one should be denied pleasure. Knowing and understanding your partner’s emotional state is key to having a great time, and being able to easily pick up a scene again in the future. Going over your sexy times after everyone’s refreshed might feel a bit weird at first, but it’s really about being more comfortable with yourself and your partner intimately, knowing what you liked and didn’t like, while understanding what can be done for a better experience next time. Nothing will be perfect the first time but as always, practice makes perfect.

4) Rope play? Have a set of safety shears.

Get a pair of scissors like what paramedic/EMS workers have, and make sure they’re easily available if a quick release needs to happen. Ideally you don’t want to cut through your brand new toy, but consider this:

You’re in your dorm and are going through a rope scene. Suddenly the pressure on the wrists becomes too much for your partner and you forget how you tied the rope and it quickly becomes knotted, making it even tighter. Now, A) with scissors you quickly and safely free your partner, laughing the situation off for a week. B) You have no scissors, and must leave your tied up partner in your dorm alone, while you try to explain to your res head why you need a pair at 2 a.m., getting back 10 minutes later. The knots are still there, and your partner’s (understandably) pissed, not talking to you for a week. Wish you had the safety scissors, don’t you?

5) Respect each other.

This is a human being, not some object you bought at a store. Kink and BDSM requires you to be especially aware of your partner’s physical and mental health. Be aware that the submissive partner will sometimes need intense amounts of positive emotion, as these scenes can be emotionally draining. Being in love with whom you’re playing with makes this way easier, but sex buddies can still achieve this too. Respecting your partner will only help in giving and receiving the most from your scenes, both emotionally and sexually.

As is always the case, if you’re not sure, don’t do it. Research the subject yourself thoroughly as these are only guidelines. Sex is an important part of relationships, so it’s important to be well informed of what you’re doing before trying anything new in bed/on a couch/ in the forest. With that in mind, go have fun, get messy and get wild.