What's all the buzz about?
Adult toys are somewhat of a taboo topic so I'm here to try and disarm the stigma. Many people in heterosexual relationships are afraid to suggest them to their partner because they don't want to make them feel inadequate. It's unfortunate but many males have been raised with the idea that the manliest thing a guy can do is make their partner finish with the power of penetration, thus making adult toys a dangerous affront to their macho persona. This idea of ‘manliness' has to be cast aside because it makes sex a self-fulfilling experience where the partner's pleasure is just validation for the man. Sex is about putting your partner first and not pressuring them to calm your insecurities.
A book published by Elisabeth Lloyd, which analyzed over 30 studies in 80 years, concluded that only 25 per cent of females experience regular orgasms during sex. This is because most of a female's sexual pleasure comes from clitoral stimulation, which isn't often a focus during intercourse.
Adult toys are great for shifting this focus while maintaining relatively typical bedroom habits, but it's still best to introduce them slowly. It's important to note that males aren't always the ones feeling nervous about experimenting in the bedroom. For the sake of all nervous partners start with something small and innocent, a bullet vibrator perhaps, that everyone can get pleasure from. This probably won't be your golden go-to toy down the road but it's a disarming and fun way to begin using them and break down some of the animosity surrounding it all. This is also a good place to start because these types of vibrators are relatively cheap, so if you find out they don't rev your engine at least you haven't spent a ton of money on it.
When people think of sex toys their mind often wanders to darker and scarier devices, but I assure you it's not all terrifying 50 Shades of Grey type stuff. There are a wide variety of shops that cover everything from novelty toys to specialty fetish items.
For beginners a decent starting place might be something like Stag Shop or Love Shop, which cover both novelty and beginner toys while scratching the surface of some of the riskier pursuits. Communication is vital so exploring these stores together is extremely important. Remember to be patient with your partner because not everyone is going to be into everything and sometimes people can be nervous to browse certain toys while a cashier is staring them down. Luckily we live in the digital age where a quick Google search will bring you to countless websites that can be perused from the privacy of your own bedroom. Most of these online retailers offer discreet packaging with shipping right to your doorstep, which is a serious bonus.
We need to embrace a new mindset that sex should have a continuous dialogue where both partners can express their wishes and concerns in the bedroom without hurting anyone's ego. Sex toys aren't here to take your job or put you to shame, they're here to improve the sexperience for both of you, leading to healthier and possibly more adventurous levels of intimacy.