CREDIT: CHAINSMOKERS (DISRUPTOR AND COLUMBIA), CALVIN (SONY MUSIC), GUCCI (ATLANTIC RECORDING), JASON (WARNER BROS. RECORDS INC.)
We listened to the best of the worst singles so you wouldn't have to. Follow this guide to know what not to play at your next party.

“Something Just Like This” – The Chainsmokers

The Chainsmokers have quickly made a name for themselves as the ‘Nickleback of EDM’ and seem to be continuing on this path. Their latest single, “Something Just Like This” sees the duo once again utilizing their incredible skill of finding a more talented singer to feature. Coldplay front man Chris Martin appears to be their latest victim as the DJs desperately cling to his coattails. “Something Just Like This” follows the typical watered- down Chainsmoker recipe, recycling every trope and cliché in the book into a cheaply packaged bro-fest March Break anthem. With empty lyrics that reach out in any direction the wind blows, “Something Just Like This” is as washed up as Lindsay Lohan’s acting career.

Rating: 2 out of 5

“Slide” – Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean, Migos

“Slide” is an unassuming track for pop aficionado Calvin Harris, but certainly not something to brush away. Stepping back from his festival- friendly, house-inspired jams, Harris dabbles expertly into California funk with tropical notes hiding throughout. Headed by the captivating weariness of Frank Ocean and featuring two thirds of America’s favourite rap group, Migos, “Slide” is an unusually warm and vibrant track for late February. If you’re looking for an early escape to the freedom of summer break, “Slide” is the kind of song you can leave on repeat all afternoon.

Rating: 4 out of 5

“Make Love” – Gucci Mane ft. Nicki Minaj

I’m really not sure where to start here. Gucci Mane tweeted that this is the “hardest song of the year”, but I think that someone needs to fax him 2017’s definition of the term. Seriously, this track sounds like something a high school kid would record in his bedroom overtop of a YouTube beat. Sure the bass is booming and there are some pretty boisterous lyrics from both Gucci and Nicki, but if you don’t have a subwoofer this track is pretty repetitive. It’s just a four note twinkly piano loop with some off-key half-singing thrown in at a tempo that would put a frat party to sleep. Nicki steals a bit of the spotlight with some witty wordplay, I’m a sucker for literary jokes, but after Gucci’ Mane’s hit-and-miss verse I’m sure I would have liked anything I heard next.

Rating: 1 out of 5

“Swalla” – Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj, Ty Dolla $ign

“Swalla” comes to us from a seasoned roster of pop stars delivering a heartily dumbed-down senseless chorus filled out with some raunchy verses that definitely aren’t about drinking pop. Derulo has been excited about this collaboration for quite a while and it’s easy to see why, as both of his collaborators deliver amazing verses. Derulo may not realize he’s being overshadowed on this track but then again, maybe he just doesn’t care. Whatever the reality is, it’s a blessing that Nicki Minaj makes an appearance on what is an otherwise grotesquely, misogynistic track. Opening with “Bad Gyal no swalla nuttin” Minaj goes on to jab at female rappers who have questioned her place on the throne of pop saying, “Bless her heart, she throwin shots but every line sucks”. This isn’t a track you’ll want your parents to hear but “Swalla” fits in seamlessly with your weekend playlist of tropical- house party tunes.

Rating: 3 out of 5