Dawson Farina never expected to become a crocodiles feast, but the novice skydiver guided his chute to what he may have thought was a splash landing, instead found himself crashing into a pond surrounded by crocs.


“You could see the panic as he guided the chute,” said Fillmore Evans who was shooting pics of the crocodiles for an outdoor adventurers magazine. I was stunned. As soon as he hit the water he was swarmed. They were like a fat kid all over a Smartie, or a Vachon lune moon.”

Police were called to the scene but could do little to prevent the carnage going on. The only thing that remained of Farina was an oddly shaped chunk o flesh

Continued on page A3

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005