Toilet seat spider has deadly venom
And you thought the brown recluse was bad!
Three women in North Florida recently turned up at various hospitals over a five-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis, and finally, death. Perplexing officials was that there were no outward signs of trauma. Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood.
“These women did not know each other, and seemed to have nothing in common,” said Bragg County coroner Steve Williams. “It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same restaurant (Olive Garden, which in and of itself is bad enough).
Within days of their deaths. The health department descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water, and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She revealed to doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check. She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had to defecate and used the restroom. That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom, and lifted the toilet seat. Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh colour.
“This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect,” said Williams. “They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims, with their tendency to collect urine and feces happen to provide just the right atmosphere.”
Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told one doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia, changing planes in Singapore, before returning home.
Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India. The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India, and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country. So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life!
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005
Three women in North Florida recently turned up at various hospitals over a five-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis, and finally, death. Perplexing officials was that there were no outward signs of trauma. Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood.
“These women did not know each other, and seemed to have nothing in common,” said Bragg County coroner Steve Williams. “It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same restaurant (Olive Garden, which in and of itself is bad enough).
Within days of their deaths. The health department descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water, and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She revealed to doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check. She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had to defecate and used the restroom. That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom, and lifted the toilet seat. Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh colour.
“This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect,” said Williams. “They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims, with their tendency to collect urine and feces happen to provide just the right atmosphere.”
Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told one doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia, changing planes in Singapore, before returning home.
Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India. The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India, and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country. So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life!
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005
