A Nielsen-Reid-Isotope poll across Canada is finding that men and women's thought processes are becoming more polar than a previous study showed 10 years ago.

“What we've got here is failure to communicate,” said Martin Strother, one of the lead authors of the study. “Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men.”

Despite Strother's own incoherence and inability to communicate effectively, he makes a strong point about men and their lack of communications skills, suggesting that women just aren't understanding what men want.”

The study suggests that men code speak is becoming more prevalent, and that men are speaking this way with women without realizing it.

“My boyfriend asks and says the darnedest things,” said Betsy Stevens. “I really don't know what he wants or what he's asking. I don't speak menelese.”

Strother's research also identified a trend as our population ages.

“For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40 (aka MILF), there is a bald, paunchy relic in leather pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.”

Strother's also thinks that men have had a free ride for a long time and that women are catching on when the lines of communication are full of static.

“Nowadays 80 per cent of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

“My boyfriend once asked me to ‘shave my beaver', and I was like what?,” said Stevens. “Then he prattled on about if I cut him off I'd be cutting myself off. What does that all mean?”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005