April fools gag goes bad on Fleming
Stray paintballs, broken beer bottles, and random furniture were involved in the latest arrest filled incident on Fleming Drive.
After an altercation that apparently stemmed from a houseguest refusing to share his Biggie sized Wendy's French fries with the home owner but was in fact an April Fools joke, several students were charged with break and enter and assault on 999 Fleming Drive on Thursday, March 29.
When the houseguest, Johnny Blazem refused to share his fries, the home owner, Jackson Gagger subsequently kicked Blazem out of his house.
Angered by the fact that he was going to miss the final 20 minutes of FOX's “Dancing with the Stars”, Blazem decided to gather up his posse and get Gagger back.
“I was pretty pissed,” Blazem said afterwards in custody at the London Police Station.
“I had twenty bucks riding on whether that British chicks prosthetic leg was going to fall off, so I wanted to see that shit. Put yourself in my shoes too, I ain't sharing no Wendy's fries, they're too damn good.”
Blazem and his posse, who did not want to be identified because they did not think it was really necessary to list their names and that some of the people involved were students at Fanshawe and would appreciate it if the whole world did not know about their mistake, loaded up with high powered paint ball guns to seek revenge on Gagger.
Blazem and his posse marched right into Gagger's house, and opened fire with their guns, spraying paint all over the house, causing approximately $1000 in damages.
Little did Blazem know, Gagger was playing an April Fools gag on him and had already tried contacting him using the most logical form of direct communication.
“I had already sent Johnny a Facebook message saying that I was just joking, you know, April Fools and all that shit, but I guess Johnny didn't take too kindly to it,” Gagger said.
“But seriously, living in the post-911-Dawson-College-tragedy world, you have to be alert and ready to defend yourself at all times.”
Unphased by the paintball-fire, Gagger and his two housemates retaliated by heaving beer bottles in the direction of the intruders.
When Blazem and his crew ran out of ammunition, they retreated back out the front door, and booked it.
A witness walking by at the time of the incident said that she would have been hit with the beer bottles, now being thrown out of the house at the retreating intruders, had it not been for a popular piece of lawn furniture common to the Fleming Drive area.
“I jumped right behind some mattresses that were lying in the front yard of the house and prayed I wouldn't get hit,” Leslie Braless said.
London Police were on scene before Blazem and his posse could flee, and were charged with break and enter and assault.
Asked if he thought the Wendy's fries were worth the criminal offence, Blazem did not hesitate with his response.
“Shit yeah it was, but man, I'm out twenty bucks though, that bitches leg never ended up falling off,” Blazem said.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
After an altercation that apparently stemmed from a houseguest refusing to share his Biggie sized Wendy's French fries with the home owner but was in fact an April Fools joke, several students were charged with break and enter and assault on 999 Fleming Drive on Thursday, March 29.
When the houseguest, Johnny Blazem refused to share his fries, the home owner, Jackson Gagger subsequently kicked Blazem out of his house.
Angered by the fact that he was going to miss the final 20 minutes of FOX's “Dancing with the Stars”, Blazem decided to gather up his posse and get Gagger back.
“I was pretty pissed,” Blazem said afterwards in custody at the London Police Station.
“I had twenty bucks riding on whether that British chicks prosthetic leg was going to fall off, so I wanted to see that shit. Put yourself in my shoes too, I ain't sharing no Wendy's fries, they're too damn good.”
Blazem and his posse, who did not want to be identified because they did not think it was really necessary to list their names and that some of the people involved were students at Fanshawe and would appreciate it if the whole world did not know about their mistake, loaded up with high powered paint ball guns to seek revenge on Gagger.
Blazem and his posse marched right into Gagger's house, and opened fire with their guns, spraying paint all over the house, causing approximately $1000 in damages.
Little did Blazem know, Gagger was playing an April Fools gag on him and had already tried contacting him using the most logical form of direct communication.
“I had already sent Johnny a Facebook message saying that I was just joking, you know, April Fools and all that shit, but I guess Johnny didn't take too kindly to it,” Gagger said.
“But seriously, living in the post-911-Dawson-College-tragedy world, you have to be alert and ready to defend yourself at all times.”
Unphased by the paintball-fire, Gagger and his two housemates retaliated by heaving beer bottles in the direction of the intruders.
When Blazem and his crew ran out of ammunition, they retreated back out the front door, and booked it.
A witness walking by at the time of the incident said that she would have been hit with the beer bottles, now being thrown out of the house at the retreating intruders, had it not been for a popular piece of lawn furniture common to the Fleming Drive area.
“I jumped right behind some mattresses that were lying in the front yard of the house and prayed I wouldn't get hit,” Leslie Braless said.
London Police were on scene before Blazem and his posse could flee, and were charged with break and enter and assault.
Asked if he thought the Wendy's fries were worth the criminal offence, Blazem did not hesitate with his response.
“Shit yeah it was, but man, I'm out twenty bucks though, that bitches leg never ended up falling off,” Blazem said.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
