Satellite police station a reality
Tired of the English soccer style riots that have plagued the areas surrounding FUNshawe College for several years, complete with beer bottle throwing and police in riot gear, a London city councillor is finally getting his way.
“This isn't London, England, this is London, Ontario, and there is no place for the type of hooliganism going on here,” said London city councillor Bernie Mac. “It was either cut police funding or have them open up Precinct 13. I'm glad they've finally seen things my way.”
London police have finally capitulated to the demands of Mac, hiring New York City police legend Barney Miller to patrol the mean streets of Fleming Drive and Thurman Circle in an effort to clean up FUNshawe College rowdies on Friday and Saturday nights.
Miller will captain Precinct 13 starting on Monday October 22, he brings along his crew of able bodied men including Wojo, Fish, Yemana and Harris.
In an added effort to curb the partying the college has sent an email to all students suggesting that they refrain from partying in the next couple of weeks until things calm down. The college also plans to take advantage of Facebook, identified as a main culprit in attracting undesirables to party's in the Fleming Drive area.
“Our plan of action is to negate any announcements of FUNshawe area parties with counter cancellation messages,” said a source in Marketing and Communications. “We have also been instructed to post party announcements directing people to the areas of Richmond and Oxford, and side streets in that area that are known to be frat houses attached to university students.
“Our approach now is to make this a Western issue so that people will forget all the misdeeds that have stigmatized Fanshawe. Who better than rowdy frat boys to deflect the heat? FUNshawe has taken a large media hit while Western hasn't gotten any heat.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
“This isn't London, England, this is London, Ontario, and there is no place for the type of hooliganism going on here,” said London city councillor Bernie Mac. “It was either cut police funding or have them open up Precinct 13. I'm glad they've finally seen things my way.”
London police have finally capitulated to the demands of Mac, hiring New York City police legend Barney Miller to patrol the mean streets of Fleming Drive and Thurman Circle in an effort to clean up FUNshawe College rowdies on Friday and Saturday nights.
Miller will captain Precinct 13 starting on Monday October 22, he brings along his crew of able bodied men including Wojo, Fish, Yemana and Harris.
In an added effort to curb the partying the college has sent an email to all students suggesting that they refrain from partying in the next couple of weeks until things calm down. The college also plans to take advantage of Facebook, identified as a main culprit in attracting undesirables to party's in the Fleming Drive area.
“Our plan of action is to negate any announcements of FUNshawe area parties with counter cancellation messages,” said a source in Marketing and Communications. “We have also been instructed to post party announcements directing people to the areas of Richmond and Oxford, and side streets in that area that are known to be frat houses attached to university students.
“Our approach now is to make this a Western issue so that people will forget all the misdeeds that have stigmatized Fanshawe. Who better than rowdy frat boys to deflect the heat? FUNshawe has taken a large media hit while Western hasn't gotten any heat.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
