Monster Mash flops for everyone but Count
It was billed as a Monster Mash. It was supposed to be a graveyard smash. But according to the few students who were in attendance, the event failed to live up to expectations.
“Yeah, we did the mash, the Monster Mash,” admitted first-year Law Clerk student Tara Peaceoff. “It was totally lame. There were no hot guys there, and this mummy kept hitting on me all night. I thought I had heard all of the worst pickup lines, but ‘I may be a mummy, but tonight I'll be your daddy' takes the cake.”
Speaking of cake, a lack of snack items and alcohol contributed to the party's downfall, according to second year Graphic Design student Brian Brunzell.
“A keg would have been nice,” said Brunzell. “As far as I could tell, the only thing there to drink was blood, and some old dude in a cape was hogging it all. And the only thing to eat was some crappy fruit salad that The Wolf Man kept trying to force down our throats.”
“I slaved over a hot stove all day making that fruit salad,” exclaimed The Wolf Man. When informed that a stove is not involved in the preparation of fruit salad, The Wolf Man began to sob and locked himself in his bathroom.
While the party may not have lived up to expectations, those who organized the event were quick to offer up excuses.
“Ugh…argh…baaahrg…” explained Frankenstein, before continuing. “I received an email notification from FUNshawe College several days prior asking us not to promote this event through Facebook. Enough angry villagers have chased me with pitchforks for me to know when to obey requests such as that one. If we had been given more advance notice, we could have explored alternative promotional solutions, like a classified ad in the Pennysaver.”
FUNshawe claims that they were simply looking out for the best interests of their students.
“It is my understanding that there was a creature from the Black Lagoon at this gathering,” said a representative of FUNshawe. “I fear for the safety of our students when I hear things like this. Thankfully it appears that the majority of our students used good judgment, and avoided this event.”
“I wish I hadn't gone”, said Fashion Merchandising student Chloe Potter. “The music was lame, and what was with that dance they were trying to get us to do — the Transylvania Twist, I think they called it? Graveyard Smash my ass!”
Not everyone in attendance was disappointed by the night's festivities. An enthusiastic partygoer simply known as The Count was supposedly the life of the party.
“My penis was in one vagina, two vaginas, three vaginas! Ah ha ha,” proudly proclaimed The Count.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
“Yeah, we did the mash, the Monster Mash,” admitted first-year Law Clerk student Tara Peaceoff. “It was totally lame. There were no hot guys there, and this mummy kept hitting on me all night. I thought I had heard all of the worst pickup lines, but ‘I may be a mummy, but tonight I'll be your daddy' takes the cake.”
Speaking of cake, a lack of snack items and alcohol contributed to the party's downfall, according to second year Graphic Design student Brian Brunzell.
“A keg would have been nice,” said Brunzell. “As far as I could tell, the only thing there to drink was blood, and some old dude in a cape was hogging it all. And the only thing to eat was some crappy fruit salad that The Wolf Man kept trying to force down our throats.”
“I slaved over a hot stove all day making that fruit salad,” exclaimed The Wolf Man. When informed that a stove is not involved in the preparation of fruit salad, The Wolf Man began to sob and locked himself in his bathroom.
While the party may not have lived up to expectations, those who organized the event were quick to offer up excuses.
“Ugh…argh…baaahrg…” explained Frankenstein, before continuing. “I received an email notification from FUNshawe College several days prior asking us not to promote this event through Facebook. Enough angry villagers have chased me with pitchforks for me to know when to obey requests such as that one. If we had been given more advance notice, we could have explored alternative promotional solutions, like a classified ad in the Pennysaver.”
FUNshawe claims that they were simply looking out for the best interests of their students.
“It is my understanding that there was a creature from the Black Lagoon at this gathering,” said a representative of FUNshawe. “I fear for the safety of our students when I hear things like this. Thankfully it appears that the majority of our students used good judgment, and avoided this event.”
“I wish I hadn't gone”, said Fashion Merchandising student Chloe Potter. “The music was lame, and what was with that dance they were trying to get us to do — the Transylvania Twist, I think they called it? Graveyard Smash my ass!”
Not everyone in attendance was disappointed by the night's festivities. An enthusiastic partygoer simply known as The Count was supposedly the life of the party.
“My penis was in one vagina, two vaginas, three vaginas! Ah ha ha,” proudly proclaimed The Count.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
