A local shopper is sounding the alarm bell and warning fellow consumers to beware what they buy, especially if they have to end up in the return line during the holiday season.

Debra Ann Miceli, an east London resident, went to a nearby department store service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it wasn't working. To Miceli's dismay the clerk told her that he was unable to give her a refund because the item bought just hours earlier was on special.

“Pinch my nipples, pinch my nipples, pinch my nipples,” is what Miceli said she screamed out while throwing her arms up in the air. “I think I scared the poor fellow but at least I was being heard by everbody in the store.”

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager as a growing crowd of customers began to gather at the service counter.

The manager then asked Miceli what was wrong and she recounted the problem with the toaster.

“He then tells me that he can't give me a refund because the toaster was bought on special,” said Miceli. “He didn't give me choice so I started to scream out again pinch my nipples, pinch my nipples, pinch my nipples.”

By this time an even bigger crowd continued to gather wondering what the commotion was all about. In shock, the exasperated store manager asked, “why are you saying that?,” said Jeff Hoervey, a bystander. “It was quite funny to see this going on. I don't think anyone could believe what she was yelling out.”

Even more bizarre was her response to the question.

“She told the guy she likes to have her nipples pinched when she's being screwed,” said Hoervey. “She was getting the royal treatment, but the crowd broke into applause and she got her refund.”

Miceli said she will no longer shop at that department store.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.