Caught with his kilt up and his underpants down and a Hoover wailing away in the background, a college contractor was left red faced trying to explain his predicament.

The dwarf Scottish tradesman claims that he picked up an unusual habit when he worked in Poland after being caught in the act with a vacuum cleaner.


The contractor claimed he was “cleaning my underpants” with Henry Hoover when he was found naked in a tarped off area near Fanshawe's security and parking offices.

A stunned security guard stumbled onto the man in the middle of a compromising act with the vacuum cleaner, which has a large smiley face painted on its front and a hose protruding from its “nose”.

At the time the contractor was supposed to be locking up the building site and the security guard was on general patrol when he heard the wailing vacuum cleaner and decided to investigate.

The security guard claimed he was “horrified by the sight, took a photo, and told the man to clean himself and the hoover” before asking him to leave and informing his bosses.

When later questioned by his employer, the man claimed he was vacuuming his underpants, which was “a common practice in Poland.” He has since been fired by that company, but has been hired by Fanshawe and begins work in Ancillary Services at the end of March.

The man's employers, Little Bob's Big Man's Construction, told the Distorter: “That behaviour is not acceptable, though it gave a few people a laugh.”

Henry Hoover is described on a cleaning website as “famous for its looks, but under its fascia lies a powerful, reliable vacuum cleaner ready to go time and time again.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.