Banjo Hero to strum its way onto video game consoles
“This is a glorious day for hillbillies and yokels of all ages,” proclaimed new Activision head of marketing Festus Clampett. “They have long been shunned by the videogame industry, which has always strived to market to so-called ‘hip' individuals. I reckon this game will provide a new audience with a cotton-pickin' good time.”
The game will come packaged with an eight-inch long banjo shaped controller to simulate the playing of old style country hits by playing notes as they scroll in time with the music. It will also come with some complimentary chewin' tobaccy and straw.
“You won't be hearing any Carrie Underwood or Keith Urban in this game,” promised Clampett. “We'll be sticking with the time tested favourites, like Hank Williams Sr., Marty Robbins, Ned Miller, Buck Owens, Kenny Rogers, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton — we did some research, and it turns out that there has never been a videogame with Kenny Rogers on the soundtrack — I know, I couldn't believe it either!”
The game will feature over 60 songs, including:
- Hey, Good Lookin'
- A White Sport Coat
- From A Jack To A King
- Made In Japan
- The Gambler
- On The Road Again
- My Wife Left Me
- My Dog is Gone
- My Wife Done Gone and Shot Me
- Someone Shot My Dog
- My Dog Left With My Wife
- My Dog Shot My Heart
The game will offer three difficulty settings - beginner, medium, and fixin' to git rough. If you manage to get a score of over 90 per cent on any song at the fixin' to git rough difficulty level, you can unlock Conway Twitty as a playable character.
“Banjo Hero is bound to be the party game of the year,” stated a press release from Activision. “So grab some of them thar vittles, a jug of your finest moonshine, and prepare for the ultimate hoedown.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
