Cinema Connoisseur: Top 10 Holiday Movies

Christmas is a time for giving, but more importantly, it is a time for receiving gifts. With that being said, I truly believe the greatest gift of all is the gift of entertainment. So I have compiled this last of the 10 greatest Christmas films of all-time.

1. Santa's Slay (2005)
Pro wrestling superstar Bill Goldberg takes on the role of a not so jolly Saint Nicholas in this brilliant horror/comedy. We learn that Santa is actually the son of Satan, and was only being nice for the last 1000 years because he lost a curling match to an angel. Well, he has served his 1000 years, and now Santa is ready to take out his frustrations, by kicking a dog into a ceiling fan, drowning a woman in eggnog, running over an old man with a reindeer, and killing “The Nanny” star Fran Drescher. This one is fun for the whole family.

2. The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Many people are under the misconception that there are only six chapters in the Star Wars saga. Well, those people don't know about this special that aired once on TV in 1978, and hasn't been seen (legally) since. This hidden gem allows us to meet Chewabacca's family, and features a musical treat from Jefferson Starship. But they aren't the only ones singing — Princess Leia, and “Golden Girls” star Bea Arthur add lyrics to a few of the classic Star Wars tunes we've all come to know and love.

3. Jingle All The Way (1996)
He is a fine Governor, and some enjoyed his action flicks like Terminator and Total Recall, but this movie goes to show Arnold Schwarzenegger's real strength is slapstick comedy. In Jingle All The Way, Arnold goes to great and hilarious lengths to secure the season's hottest toy for his son. The film also stars Sinbad (or SinGood as I prefer to call him), Phil Hartman, and Jake Lloyd. You may remember Lloyd from his tour de force turn as young Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: The Phantom Menance, which most would agree was the finest performance in that franchise's history.

4. A Very Brady Christmas (1988)
A single mom with three kids joins up with a single dad with three kids — I think we can all agree, that is messed up. None the less, the program was entertaining, and this made-for-television is quite simply enthralling. Ma and Pa Brady's plans for a perfect Christmas are put in jeopardy as all of their kids seem to be having some sort of crisis, from marital discourse to dropping out of school. Things go from bad to worse when a house collapses on Pa Brady! Does he die an agonizing death, or is he saved when everyone sings “O Come All Ye Faithful”? Watch it yourself to find out.

5. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
The children of Mars are depressed, and Prozac hasn't been invented yet. So a group of Martians travel to Earth to capture Santa, and force him to setup a new Santa's Workshop on Mars. This one is a true classic, especially for its state of the art special effects. The robot used to seize Santa wouldn't seem out of place in the next Steven Spielberg blockbuster.

6. He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985)
The most powerful man in the universe, He-Man, and his also somewhat powerful sister She-Ra learn the true meaning of Christmas from two Earth children who are transported to their home planet of Eternia. The only problem is that the most evil forces in Eternia, Skeletor and Horde Prime aren't in the mood for Christmas cheer. But the magic of Christmas is so powerful it forces one of those baddies to have a change of heart.

7. Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Oh, that wacky Ernest P. Worrell. First he went to camp, then he went to jail, then he got scared stupid, and then he died. You just never knew what he was going to do next. In this one, Ernest hooks up with a teenage girl and Santa Claus, but not in a dirty way. Santa is about to retire, and has selected a successor, but unfortunately the chosen one doesn't want the gig. Luckily Ernest is there to pick up the slack, and ensure all of the presents are delivered.

8. Surviving Christmas (2004)
Ben Affleck stars as a greedy executive who has put money ahead of loved ones, and will be spending Christmas alone as a result. So he pays a family $250,000 to treat him like a member of their brood. James Gandolfini (“The Sopranos”) and Christina Applegate (“Married…With Children”) play members of the family who are first annoyed by Ben, but soon warm up to him, just like we all have.

9. Santa With Muscles (1996)
Hulk Hogan stars as an evil millionaire who suffers from amnesia, and comes to believe he is Santa Claus. Which is good news for a group of orphans that are about to be put out on the street by another evil millionaire. With a little help from the Santa and his 24” pythons, those orphans won't have a care in the world.

10. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Now many people will tell you about the great original Home Alone film, which featured young Kevin McCallister being stranded alone at Christmas, having to fend off two klutzy burglars, and learning to appreciate his family after befriending a lonely old person. But I much prefer the sequel, which features young Kevin McCallister being stranded alone at Christmas, having to fend off two klutzy burglars, and learning to appreciate his family after befriending a lonely old person….but in New York, instead of Chicago.