If the first images that come to mind when you think of kink are whips, leather, handcuffs and men who like to be flogged — you're only halfway there.

The London kink community encounters stigmas and misconceptions on a daily basis. But Dark Angel, a kink community leader and educator, explains the community is beyond the stereotypical leather-clad goths leashed together.

“There is a large and active community in Ontario….(It) is a huge umbrella,” he said. “There are those who it's a part of their life…(it's) pan-kink, pan-sexual.

“It's finding that sense of family, of support — a resource to explore these things safely.”

The idea that the kink community is full of men and women who subject themselves to beatings is antiquated. While bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism are a part of the kink — it's not about mistreatment.

“We're not interested in abuse,” Dark Angel explained. Those who are using it for that type of activity need serious help, he added.

“BDSM is not therapy but can be very therapeutic — like if you're out of shape and you start jogging — you feel good,” he said, adding that it is not meant to fill a void or be used as punishment. “It's to expand your life.”

Dark Angel, a 44-year-old straight man discovered what kink is over the past 14 years. Through exploring his kinks, he's been more open to different experiences.

“I've become happier with myself and enjoy my sexuality more,” he said.

His particular kink is domination and submission — a power exchange. His partner is his one submissive. But this isn't slavery where she's asked to parade around and appease his every whim — this is just how they play.

“I'm the leader in my relationship but I take in input from my submissive. In specific areas — we have an agreed upon structure. Submissives are not doormats,” he said. “It's like how two partners discuss renovations.”

Communication is paramount in BDSM. Beginners can't just throw themselves into play because there are risks involved, depending on the tools you use. Dark Angel warns against getting into kinky play without a proper understanding of the risks involved.

“Before you control another, you must learn to control yourself,” he said. “Your partner needs to feel comfortable to have someone control her.”

For those looking to explore kinky play, checking out a local Munch is a casual way to meet people. But not to worry — you won't feel obligated to dress up in fetish gear or come ready to sample kink piercing — it's more “toned down,” said Dark Angel. In fact, any type of kink gear or clothing is prohibited at these gatherings because they're in public places — restaurants and bars. Being aware of wait staff and the owners of the venues is a part of the kink community — respecting others.

“It's not right to force your kink on other people,” he said.

The diverse group of 18 to 79 years old, with “normal” lives as housewives, managers, and students, has managed to stay “underground” and relatively out of public scrutiny. But the negative stigmas attached to them are still prevalent.

“If you're into BDSM, society looks down on you…links it to, ‘He's sick, he likes to be spanked by a woman,'” explained Dark Angel. “If someone finds out about you being in the kink community, you could lose your kids (or) jobs.”

“Maybe in 50 years it'll be more accepted.”

If you are curious about the kink community and would like to learn more — feel free to visit Dark Angel's site at www.darkangellair.com or visit www.get-teased.ca/tease2010.html for information on the annual BDSM convention.