Love Lola: Home wrecking, wedding bells and who's the boss
Dear Lola,
I recently started flirting with a guy from my work and I'm totally into him. The problem is; he's married! He's not old or anything, he just got married really young, but he complains about his wife all the time. I know he's miserable and that he likes me too. I think he should be allowed to be happy and maybe he could be happy with me. Where do I go from here?
Wedding Crasher
Dear Crasher,
Where do you go from here? Hmmmm. How about marching yourself directly to your manager's office and promptly quitting your job? Sweetie, there are only a few moments when I will tell someone that they are making an absolute mistake with no room for negotiation or reasoning; and this is one of them!
He's married. M-A-R-R-I-E-D. I'm talking vows, rings and roses! Are you from space sweetie? Some woman already has this one off the market. He is legally bound to another human being. I would also venture to say he is morally and ethically bound to this woman, but I have a sneaking suspicion this guy is more committed to his wiener than his wife.
I know he's painted some picture for you where she's an evil bitch and he's a sensitive victim, but it's a load of crap. The same hands that tease you in the photocopy room are rubbing his wife's back before she falls asleep. Oh, it's so, so dirty!
Trying to take a man from his wife is kind of like trying to take someone's puppy. When you see someone walking down the street with a cute little pooch do you think; “Cute dog” or do you think; “Hey, I want to take that person's dog?” Do follow them home and try to steal the dog from his own backyard? Do attempt to lure the pup with the promise of rawhide? Do you start sending text messages to the puppy in the middle of the night trying to convince him your slippers are tastier? No fool, you get your own friggin' dog!
Don't be this woman. You have no place and no right to become involved in this mess. If he's unhappy, he will ultimately leave his marriage on his own terms and on his own schedule. No amount of footsie under your desk is going to convince him you're his soulmate.
Dear Lola,
My best friend and I got jobs at the same restaurant in the summer and it's been so much fun! Lately, she's started calling in sick though and when she does show up, she's texting and not doing her work. Last week in our six-month review, I was promoted to a shift supervisor and she was put on probation. Now when we work together I'm in charge and I have to report if she's late or isn't doing her work. I could even get her fired! What can I do now?
Working Girl
Dear Working,
What you have here is a classic case of “socialrealityitis.” It's a common, but tragic condition where your social life and work life collide in an unexpected and destructive event and you're forced to make impossible decisions that can tear apart lifelong friendships and destroy career goals and ambition.
The choice is in your hands my friend. You can choose to honour your friendship and ignore her texting and truancy leading you both to the unemployment office. Or, you can show your friend whose boss and unleash your new power by igniting your friendship into a raging inferno of written warnings and union meetings until she's dragged to the parking lot and stripped of her uniform, landing in a sobbing unrecognizable mess.
On the other hand, you could just admit to your friend how much it sucks that you have to “play boss” while the two of you are at work and just ask her not to get you into trouble by texting when other people are watching. You can even add that her behaviour doesn't really bother you, but if the other staff thinks you're playing favourites you could both be fired.
Lastly, you could always discuss it with your manager. Obviously, they must see some sort of leadership potential in you if you've been selected for this position of trust after only six months. Your manager will probably respect you for addressing the issue ahead of time and being honest about your bias when it comes to your friend.
The less drama the better. Good Luck!
Dear Lola,
My boyfriend and I recently got engaged and we're very happy. We're both 21 and our family and friends seem to think we're crazy for getting married so young. People's reaction has been either negative or suspicious (everyone thinks I must be pregnant). I'm hurt and angry, how can I get people to either support us or back off?
White Wedding
Dear Wedding,
Dum-dum-dum-dum...dum-dum-dum-dum...no, I'm not humming your wedding march I'm just calling out all of your cranky friends and grumpy relatives for being jerks about your pending nuptials.
Congratulations to you and your fiance for entering into a very exciting and adult time in your life. Sure, you're leaving your single life behind you earlier than most, but what are you really missing out on? Most girls spend their twenties miserably dating one mismatch after another and waste the better part of a decade searching for a soulmate that may not even exist. Sadly, some girls spend more time, money and energy on finding a husband than they do on finding a career. You've managed to snap up your hubby while you're still young enough to travel Europe and finish law school before your biological clock starts ticking like a time bomb.
You probably won't find yourself dancing on a speaker far into your cougar years, praying your Spanx will hold in your muffin top as you shimmy around a dirty bar stumbling through a sea of strangers searching for “The One.” You'll get to watch from the sidelines as your friends suffer devastating breakups and join the thousands of other desperate women in online dating forums marketing themselves as a last resort for any woman hoping to hook a mate before her eggs dry up.
Yes, you'll have only a casual observation of the pathetic, torturous rituals that men and women subject themselves to all in the name of love, or all in the name of not ending up alone. The story of Noah's Ark may in fact be a metaphor for life and if the only way to survive this flood is two by two, than very few of us are willing to face waters alone.
Get married. Do it for love. Just be sure to be there for your single friends and support them as they search for their true love. No matter how long it takes.
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
I recently started flirting with a guy from my work and I'm totally into him. The problem is; he's married! He's not old or anything, he just got married really young, but he complains about his wife all the time. I know he's miserable and that he likes me too. I think he should be allowed to be happy and maybe he could be happy with me. Where do I go from here?
Wedding Crasher
Dear Crasher,
Where do you go from here? Hmmmm. How about marching yourself directly to your manager's office and promptly quitting your job? Sweetie, there are only a few moments when I will tell someone that they are making an absolute mistake with no room for negotiation or reasoning; and this is one of them!
He's married. M-A-R-R-I-E-D. I'm talking vows, rings and roses! Are you from space sweetie? Some woman already has this one off the market. He is legally bound to another human being. I would also venture to say he is morally and ethically bound to this woman, but I have a sneaking suspicion this guy is more committed to his wiener than his wife.
I know he's painted some picture for you where she's an evil bitch and he's a sensitive victim, but it's a load of crap. The same hands that tease you in the photocopy room are rubbing his wife's back before she falls asleep. Oh, it's so, so dirty!
Trying to take a man from his wife is kind of like trying to take someone's puppy. When you see someone walking down the street with a cute little pooch do you think; “Cute dog” or do you think; “Hey, I want to take that person's dog?” Do follow them home and try to steal the dog from his own backyard? Do attempt to lure the pup with the promise of rawhide? Do you start sending text messages to the puppy in the middle of the night trying to convince him your slippers are tastier? No fool, you get your own friggin' dog!
Don't be this woman. You have no place and no right to become involved in this mess. If he's unhappy, he will ultimately leave his marriage on his own terms and on his own schedule. No amount of footsie under your desk is going to convince him you're his soulmate.
Dear Lola,
My best friend and I got jobs at the same restaurant in the summer and it's been so much fun! Lately, she's started calling in sick though and when she does show up, she's texting and not doing her work. Last week in our six-month review, I was promoted to a shift supervisor and she was put on probation. Now when we work together I'm in charge and I have to report if she's late or isn't doing her work. I could even get her fired! What can I do now?
Working Girl
Dear Working,
What you have here is a classic case of “socialrealityitis.” It's a common, but tragic condition where your social life and work life collide in an unexpected and destructive event and you're forced to make impossible decisions that can tear apart lifelong friendships and destroy career goals and ambition.
The choice is in your hands my friend. You can choose to honour your friendship and ignore her texting and truancy leading you both to the unemployment office. Or, you can show your friend whose boss and unleash your new power by igniting your friendship into a raging inferno of written warnings and union meetings until she's dragged to the parking lot and stripped of her uniform, landing in a sobbing unrecognizable mess.
On the other hand, you could just admit to your friend how much it sucks that you have to “play boss” while the two of you are at work and just ask her not to get you into trouble by texting when other people are watching. You can even add that her behaviour doesn't really bother you, but if the other staff thinks you're playing favourites you could both be fired.
Lastly, you could always discuss it with your manager. Obviously, they must see some sort of leadership potential in you if you've been selected for this position of trust after only six months. Your manager will probably respect you for addressing the issue ahead of time and being honest about your bias when it comes to your friend.
The less drama the better. Good Luck!
Dear Lola,
My boyfriend and I recently got engaged and we're very happy. We're both 21 and our family and friends seem to think we're crazy for getting married so young. People's reaction has been either negative or suspicious (everyone thinks I must be pregnant). I'm hurt and angry, how can I get people to either support us or back off?
White Wedding
Dear Wedding,
Dum-dum-dum-dum...dum-dum-dum-dum...no, I'm not humming your wedding march I'm just calling out all of your cranky friends and grumpy relatives for being jerks about your pending nuptials.
Congratulations to you and your fiance for entering into a very exciting and adult time in your life. Sure, you're leaving your single life behind you earlier than most, but what are you really missing out on? Most girls spend their twenties miserably dating one mismatch after another and waste the better part of a decade searching for a soulmate that may not even exist. Sadly, some girls spend more time, money and energy on finding a husband than they do on finding a career. You've managed to snap up your hubby while you're still young enough to travel Europe and finish law school before your biological clock starts ticking like a time bomb.
You probably won't find yourself dancing on a speaker far into your cougar years, praying your Spanx will hold in your muffin top as you shimmy around a dirty bar stumbling through a sea of strangers searching for “The One.” You'll get to watch from the sidelines as your friends suffer devastating breakups and join the thousands of other desperate women in online dating forums marketing themselves as a last resort for any woman hoping to hook a mate before her eggs dry up.
Yes, you'll have only a casual observation of the pathetic, torturous rituals that men and women subject themselves to all in the name of love, or all in the name of not ending up alone. The story of Noah's Ark may in fact be a metaphor for life and if the only way to survive this flood is two by two, than very few of us are willing to face waters alone.
Get married. Do it for love. Just be sure to be there for your single friends and support them as they search for their true love. No matter how long it takes.
Love Lola
Got a question? Email me at lolaletters@live.ca - All emails are confidential and your identity will be protected. If you're not comfortable sending me an email, just click on the Letters to Lola link on the left side menu to send me your question.
