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Teddy bears are so much better than men...

Janet Pole | Interrobang | Opinion | November 28th, 2005

Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
I was having trouble adjusting to having a man around the house again, and I spoke with my sister to help. She gave me a book to help me “deal” with the situation; Teddy Bears Are Better Than Men Because…

Here are some of the reasons:

Teddy bears are content to just snuggle all night.
Teddy bears don't give you whisker burn.
You can always buy an extra teddy bear.
Teddy bears never bore you with the details of the game.
Teddy bears can hug for long periods of time.
Teddy bears usually smell nice, don't drip sweat on you and are always soft and cuddly.
Teddy bears rarely stink of alcohol or tobacco.
Teddy bears love long-term commitments.
Teddy bears make great travelling companions.

Teddy bears don't lie to you and say they are single when they are actually married.
Teddy bears don't snore, jumble around in bed or hog all of the covers.
Teddy bears are rarely jealous of other teddy bears.
Teddy bears are not only interested in sex.
Teddy bears know when you've had a bad day and could need a hug.
Teddy bears always agree on your vacation spot.
Teddy bears don't have to hide when your mother comes for a visit.
Teddy bears don't care if you haven't shaved your legs for a few weeks.
Teddy bears love it when you wear flannel to bed.
Teddy bears never stand up their dates.
Teddy bears are never on a business trip when you need them.
Teddy bears are happy to stay loyally in your bed when you are away.
Teddy bears don't have weird eating habits.

Teddy bears invariably understand when you have a headache.
Teddy bears never complain about your lack of housecleaning.
Teddy bears are never too young or too old.
Teddy bears don't borrow and crash your car.
Teddy bears are not worried about catching your flu.
Teddy bears can never get you pregnant.
Teddy bears never leave your bathroom a wreck.
And finally, teddy bears don't mess up your apartment, and don't generate laundry.

Janet is occasionally a second year student in the hospitality department on a very extended sick leave. She collects teddy bears. She currently sleeps with a bear named Thunder Bear, which she got when she went up to Lakehead in 1987: he is a bit worse for wear, but then again, so is she. She can be reached at when her computer is up and running again.
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