...but beer is better than women!
Beer does not spend $5 grand on breast implants and then not let you touch them for weeks afterwards while they heal and settle.
Beer does not always have potential marriage and children on their mind on the first date. (Come on, guys, don't deny it, almost every woman on this planet checks you out this way on a first date!)
Beer does not make you go to family gatherings, office parties, or Christmas parties so no suit and tie tonight! Flannel PJ bottoms and the remote control are all YOURS.
Beer does not bitch if you are even a few minutes late and accepts all excuses that happened to you: slow traffic, trains (of which there is a hell of a lot of in London!)
When beer is frigid it is a good thing. (Plus, when it is cold and she has underdressed while out on a date you don't have to be guilted into giving a beer your coat to keep warm!)
Beer does not read tonnes of self-help books and tries to fix any problems you may perceive as she read about it in the big old loud-ass Dr. Phil's book. (“You mouth is making promises your butt is not going to follow up on” is my all-time favourite Dr. Phil-ism!
You can put the beer in the fridge and forget about it for days, weeks, and months on end — try doing that with a woman!
If your beer is skunky, you can just send it back. If your girl is funky smelling, if is often a hard subject to approach without hurting her feelings, especially if you kinda like the girl.
Beer is crisp and clean and you can take it into the bathroom with you: most women leave the bathrooms in such a horribly messy state a tree outside seems safer and cleaner.
You can have beer 28 days out of 28 days.
Beer does not expect you to remember every stupid little “anniversary” — when you first met, the first time you drank one, the first time you got drunk, etc.
Beer just wants to be used and replaced.
Beer doesn't have a birthday, so you can't forget it.
Beer does not care if your apartment looks and smells like a big old pile of laundry that has not been vacuumed in months.
Beer does not care what your breath smells like in the morning.
Beer doesn't make you hold its purse at the mall.
Beer does not get mad if you want a night out with the guys instead of taking her out to some chick flick at the Cineplex.
It's obvious, and I can state why beer wins in one word. PMS.
Janet is currently a second year student in the hospitality department on an extended sick leave. She still does not have an Internet connection but is liking the life of being a semi-Luddite —- but the telemarketers still will not go away. She has replaced her eBay addiction with catalogue shopping and now has L.L. Bean on speed dial as she is determined to not be anywhere near a mall this holiday season. She can be reached at email@example.com when her ISP gets her that new modem she so desperately needs!