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Love Lola: Lady whiskers, tag alongs and money versus sex

Lifestyles | March 15th, 2010

Dear Lola,
I'm graduating from my program in April (yeah me!) and then I'm headed to Western next fall. I figure I've got three more years of school ahead of me. Someone in my class is going to be in the same program next year and I'm not impressed! I've been ‘helping' this person out since first year with every project and assignment and I cannot stand doing it for three more years! How do I make a clean break now?
Student Groans

Dear Groans,
Sounds like you've had a coattail rider for the last year or so and you were so close to shaking the bugger loose when suddenly you see yourself dragging their sorry butt through three years of grad school; no wonder you're sweating!

The problem with community college is that it's so small. The classes and courses are so close-knit; you become emotionally attached and accountable to your peers with an obligatory mandate to assist them with their success. Fortunately, university is nothing like that. Even if you and this loafer are working towards the exact same degree, there are dozens of electives and options to choose from, so chances are pretty slim that you would end up with the identical schedules that you have now.

Just be sure to complain all the time next year about how completely overwhelmed you are with schoolwork and incapable of keeping up with the hectic demands of higher education. You might even need to fudge a few failings grades to get this tag along to tag someone new.

Good Luck.

Dear Lola,
My girlfriend has a moustache. It's not like a 60 year-old lady in the supermarket checkout, but it's there. In the right lighting, I can count four darkish hairs to the right of her upper lip and two more under her left nostril. Problem is; she has no clue! I don't know if the lighting is poor in her bathroom or if she's in denial, but I need her to trim the Jim or I'm outta here! What can I do?
Mr. Whiskers

Dear Whiskers,
It's a sad day when a man is counting hairs on his girlfriend's lip instead of just planting a kiss on her. I wonder how you were able to stare at her long enough to actually count the hairs without her becoming completely freaked out!

Okay, so you saw four hairs, maybe six. Is this seriously the end of the road then? We're human beings; the only place we don't have hair is the palms of our hands and soles of our feet. Anywhere else is free game my friend.

Sure, a teen ‘stache on your girlfriend doesn't SCREAM sexy, but there are simple, inexpensive ways to remove the offensive follicles.

Try this plan: Simply tell her about your buddy's girlfriend that has a mustache. Tell her all about how freaked out your buddy is and that he might break up with her if she doesn't bleach it or get some tweezers out. The conversation will be enough for her to drag out the magnifying mirror the next time she's in the bathroom and do some investigating to be sure that she isn't sporting a Selleck.

Sadly, girls like to feel better than other girls, so the best way to approach anything uncomfortable is to bring another woman into it. We fall right in line!

Good luck.

Dear Lola,
I need you to settle a bet between my friends and me. I say that a woman cares more about how you are in bed than how much you make and my buddies seem to think that money can buy you happiness; who's right?
Penny Lover

Dear Lover,
Oh, what a delightful wager; I wish you'd mentioned what was on the line in this argument it would make it so much more exciting!

Money vs. Sex; it's a timeless quandary, isn't it?

On the one hand, money can buy you a home, a car, pretty things, food, clothes, vacations and a good education. Unfortunately, a designer handbag isn't going to give me an orgasm anytime soon. Even if it is Coach.

On the other hand, a good role in the hay can be terribly disappointing if you're literally in hay! If we're living in the sticks, scraping by each month, shopping the GT Boutique and eating Mr. Noodle, the biggest prize in town isn't going to pay my hydro bill.

The truth is, you need ‘em both folks; the bang and the bucks! I don't want to curl up every night to a wad of cash while my partner's dysfunction fills the space between us. I also don't want to be left breathless and shaking while the other residents in the homeless shelter watch the free show.

Here's a tip; get a job that's good enough to put food on the table, but maintain enough stamina that you never get around to actually eating it.

Good luck.

Love Lola

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