I write about random things a lot. I write a lot about random things. I suppose it's due to my being surrounded by music all my life, but I really grew up to be a big music nerd. I'm not alone, though — Alan Cross is one. Brian Eno is another. And now, with everyone else, we can list Amanda Griffiths, from North Wales.

Griffiths (a dance teacher), like myself, is clearly one of those types that wrote music into every school assignment she could, just to be able to read and write about music. I know this because she is working towards something completely unheard of, a goal that will break down the walls of music and structure itself... a PhD in Air Guitar.

It began as a paper on female behaviour, and specifically, a study on the factors that compel men to behave in immature or ridiculous ways. It is Griffiths feeling that the solution could lie in our chemical make-up, a particular neurotransmitter that causes our urges to react in physical ways to all the different stimuli around us.

She has been interviewing individuals from both sexes, and plans to take up the “complex arguments of French post-structuralist theorists such as Michel Foucault and Marxists such as Roland Bathes.” Which all sounds fine to me, but I have to say that I personally have been into leading my life down interesting paths for a number of years already in my lifetime — and though I don't have a fancy degree to support my claim, I think you'll find that a hands-on approach to learning makes me the leading authority on air guitarist for miles around.

Because I believe in sharing and giving, I'm going to host through the rest of this column like a personal letter on how to improve your air guitar playing. Like any other technical school or private lesson program, consider this lesson to be our first, a taste of what lies in store for you in your potential career as an air guitarist, or even an air soloist.

Perhaps the largest mistake that I see most people these days is hand placement; you're not holding an air baseball bat, so spread your hands out and don't make this same mistake - it could mean all the difference when the time comes to play your first air gig, as it were.

The second largest mistake I find that I see a lot is that of air picking techniques. Based purely on observation, I can tell you that most people seem to be employing the air pick - that little piece of plastic plectra that gets used to pluck out your current solos and chords.

But believe me when I say that you're limiting your technique in a lot of ways, and you may just be doomed to air music shops in the future, no air career under your belt, desperately trying to impress teenagers with your air rendition of air Smells Like Teen Spirit. No no, instead put some time into air practicing to play with only your fingers - it looks cooler, your air technique will flourish, and frankly, it leaves to open to air slide into some insanely cool looking air solo.

That's all I have for you this time, best of luck to you in air guitar and all your personal favourite activities. I would be happy to arrange to provide further lessons to really hone your air guitar prowess, if you're air interested. Otherwise, though, I'm out of words.