Life Meets Faith: Coping with change you don't want
Right now there are some changes going
on in my life that I don't like. Some of them
have to do with family. The youngest of the
three children my wife Alice and I have
moved away and is on her own. We miss her
crazy antics (and also those of her brothers).
Both Alice and I are making career choices that might involve relocating. And that's not easy because we have many terrific friends where we are today.
Change happens, and sometimes it happens when you don't particularly want it. Parents die. Friends move away. School ends with no job in sight. The company you work for shuts down. The funding for your work evaporates. The course you want to take next semester disappears from the college lists.
How do you cope with change you don't want? Some recommend getting un-sober, but realistically, coping that involves sobriety is going to help you a lot more.
Here are few things that work for me. One, spend time with friends. Recently I threw a birthday party for Alice. Friends, all kinds, some younger and some older, showed up. In the Maritimes where we live, kitchen parties are the thing. We had a blast and have been talking about it in church and around town since.
Two, spend some time outside in nice surroundings. That might mean a walk in the park network along the Thames. Or maybe it means heading outside the city once a week to see some wide-open spaces or a lake, to feel the wind or to hike while it's snowing. Right now, I live on the shore of the Bay of Fundy. It's glorious to jog the lane in the morning, to watch the waves and to take in the sunsets. Even rainstorms have their charms.
A third thing you can do is to watch wacky movies. A few that I recommend: Napoleon Dynamite (not that wacky really, but a "cult classic"), Live Free or Die Hard, and what I think is probably the worst movie ever distributed commercially, The War of the Planets. I also like old westerns when I'm not feeling good. Death is always painless and the good guys always win (on the downside, there is the negative depiction of native North Americans).
Reading serious books is something you might want to delay when you are having difficulties. But when change you don't want strikes, one sort of serious book you might consider is Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. The main idea is that when things happen that you don't want and are not within your power to change, move on. Look for new cheese when your current supply runs out or somebody moves it. Hoping for things to go back to they way they were rarely helps and usually leads to further discouragement. Taking action to find new cheese, however, tends to make you feel better, and will greatly increase your chances of finding new ways to succeed.
Finally, find someone who will listen and pray with you. This afternoon, Alice and I stopped in to see our pastor, Tim. All he did really was ask how we are doing, listen a lot, and ask God to take care of us. Pastor, priest, rector, college chaplain, church minister - they are all more or less the same, and they are all there to listen and to pray. Occasionally they may offer some advice, but mostly listening and praying with you is what will help most when you're down on your luck.
The idea, after all, is that God is more real than money or power, greater than our temporary truths and shaky falsehoods. He is greater than any change, good or bad. Talking to him and asking him to help us make fair, wise and just choices in times of change surely cannot hurt. It will do a lot of good, more than any of us might think.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
Both Alice and I are making career choices that might involve relocating. And that's not easy because we have many terrific friends where we are today.
Change happens, and sometimes it happens when you don't particularly want it. Parents die. Friends move away. School ends with no job in sight. The company you work for shuts down. The funding for your work evaporates. The course you want to take next semester disappears from the college lists.
How do you cope with change you don't want? Some recommend getting un-sober, but realistically, coping that involves sobriety is going to help you a lot more.
Here are few things that work for me. One, spend time with friends. Recently I threw a birthday party for Alice. Friends, all kinds, some younger and some older, showed up. In the Maritimes where we live, kitchen parties are the thing. We had a blast and have been talking about it in church and around town since.
Two, spend some time outside in nice surroundings. That might mean a walk in the park network along the Thames. Or maybe it means heading outside the city once a week to see some wide-open spaces or a lake, to feel the wind or to hike while it's snowing. Right now, I live on the shore of the Bay of Fundy. It's glorious to jog the lane in the morning, to watch the waves and to take in the sunsets. Even rainstorms have their charms.
A third thing you can do is to watch wacky movies. A few that I recommend: Napoleon Dynamite (not that wacky really, but a "cult classic"), Live Free or Die Hard, and what I think is probably the worst movie ever distributed commercially, The War of the Planets. I also like old westerns when I'm not feeling good. Death is always painless and the good guys always win (on the downside, there is the negative depiction of native North Americans).
Reading serious books is something you might want to delay when you are having difficulties. But when change you don't want strikes, one sort of serious book you might consider is Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. The main idea is that when things happen that you don't want and are not within your power to change, move on. Look for new cheese when your current supply runs out or somebody moves it. Hoping for things to go back to they way they were rarely helps and usually leads to further discouragement. Taking action to find new cheese, however, tends to make you feel better, and will greatly increase your chances of finding new ways to succeed.
Finally, find someone who will listen and pray with you. This afternoon, Alice and I stopped in to see our pastor, Tim. All he did really was ask how we are doing, listen a lot, and ask God to take care of us. Pastor, priest, rector, college chaplain, church minister - they are all more or less the same, and they are all there to listen and to pray. Occasionally they may offer some advice, but mostly listening and praying with you is what will help most when you're down on your luck.
The idea, after all, is that God is more real than money or power, greater than our temporary truths and shaky falsehoods. He is greater than any change, good or bad. Talking to him and asking him to help us make fair, wise and just choices in times of change surely cannot hurt. It will do a lot of good, more than any of us might think.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
