New Prime Minister sold soul to the devil in exchange for job
People often say that the eyes are the window to the soul. Now more than ever, there is evidence to suggest that theory is true.
Newly elected Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been photographed hundreds of times in the past two months building up to the fateful January 23rd election, and in each and every photo, people agree that something is missing.
Paranormal Anomoly Inspectors took this suggestion one step further and discovered a big secret that Harper is hiding; he sold his soul to the devil.
PIA Chief Bruce Gray led the investigation into the ownership of Harper's soul, and said that the findings, although startling, were to be expected.
“We all sort of knew from the beginning that something wasn't right with him, and when we started digging, we found all the proof we needed,” Gray said during a highly publicized press conference.
The evidence Gray speaks of is a list of bank records and credit card transactions, as well as phone records for both Harper and the devil going back nearly two years. In the last heated months before the election, the calls were much longer and more frequent.
There was one call made the evening after the government fell in December 2005, and shortly afterward, Harper withdrew close to $500,000 from his campaign account.
Less than 12 hours later, the devil deposited the same amount into an offshore account directed to the Caymen Islands.
“This is a very serious breech of public trust, if a jury does find that Harper used campaign funds to barder for the election win,” a Parliament spokesperson said under conditions of anonymity. “But what's more unsettling is that the man also sold his soul to ensure a victory.
“What's sadder still is that his soul alone wasn't worth enough to cover the cost of ensuring the Prime Ministership. I know its a big job, but still - you'd think a soul would cover the difference.”
While no one has actually seen the devil since a chicago mob bust in the 30's sent him underground, many believers think the man in the photo (above) is indeed the devil, disguised as a political investor. The photo was taken just minutes before the votes had all been counted, yet both Harper and the mysterious man were uncharacteristically happy. This strange behaviour and jump-the-gun attitude is what led the PIA to believe the character is suspect.
The PIA will continue their investigation but ask that in the meantime, if anyone should find Harper's soul at a pawn shop or on the black market, please notify the authorities immediately.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Newly elected Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been photographed hundreds of times in the past two months building up to the fateful January 23rd election, and in each and every photo, people agree that something is missing.
Paranormal Anomoly Inspectors took this suggestion one step further and discovered a big secret that Harper is hiding; he sold his soul to the devil.
PIA Chief Bruce Gray led the investigation into the ownership of Harper's soul, and said that the findings, although startling, were to be expected.
“We all sort of knew from the beginning that something wasn't right with him, and when we started digging, we found all the proof we needed,” Gray said during a highly publicized press conference.
The evidence Gray speaks of is a list of bank records and credit card transactions, as well as phone records for both Harper and the devil going back nearly two years. In the last heated months before the election, the calls were much longer and more frequent.
There was one call made the evening after the government fell in December 2005, and shortly afterward, Harper withdrew close to $500,000 from his campaign account.
Less than 12 hours later, the devil deposited the same amount into an offshore account directed to the Caymen Islands.
“This is a very serious breech of public trust, if a jury does find that Harper used campaign funds to barder for the election win,” a Parliament spokesperson said under conditions of anonymity. “But what's more unsettling is that the man also sold his soul to ensure a victory.
“What's sadder still is that his soul alone wasn't worth enough to cover the cost of ensuring the Prime Ministership. I know its a big job, but still - you'd think a soul would cover the difference.”
While no one has actually seen the devil since a chicago mob bust in the 30's sent him underground, many believers think the man in the photo (above) is indeed the devil, disguised as a political investor. The photo was taken just minutes before the votes had all been counted, yet both Harper and the mysterious man were uncharacteristically happy. This strange behaviour and jump-the-gun attitude is what led the PIA to believe the character is suspect.
The PIA will continue their investigation but ask that in the meantime, if anyone should find Harper's soul at a pawn shop or on the black market, please notify the authorities immediately.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
