To be watchful is not the same thing as being afraid. While for years we've been preparing for the zombie apocalypse, we've sadly been overlooking many far more real threats already in motion.

It remains to be seen whether the world will end at the close of 2012, but it's a safe bet to say that zombies won't be the cause... although they could yet be an after-effect of the real cataclysm, we can't be sure of that at this time.

Below are a number of issues far more pressing given today's socioeconomical climate — prepare and beware.

Robot Apocalypse
Don't get me wrong, not every robot everywhere will be against us; it's just that oil is thicker than water and they can't die. If they're smart enough to log our Internet passwords and start our cars remotely, they're smart enough to know we're the losing team.

Bankruptocalypse
If the United States slips too much further into financial crisis, they're going to look to consume an unassuming, friendly nation nearby, like a group of hungry people stranded on a desert island. Watch for the attack to come in the summer months, though.

iPocalypse
Sure, Apple has never gone on record as an evil corporation. But with iPods, iPads and iPhones in the hands and pockets of millions of us, how can they resist the allure of the dark side? And now Siri, their new AI, is intelligently guiding us into the future. It's too perfect.

Palinocalypse
She can see Russia from her house. She can see you, too.

Vampocalypse
Did you really think all that nonsense about glittery vampires fighting vapid werewolves had any literary merit? Think again, and realize the awesome power of the world's most horrifyingly genius desensitization campaign. I'll see you in hell, teenagers.

The Brainocalypse
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!" Sometimes the greatest enemy is one you haven't heard from in a while.

Monopolocalypse
Having everything to do with a group of frightened bankers who Gollum-up and obsess about obtaining all the cash and property so that everyone else has to play by their rules, when really most of them should go directly to jail. Luxury tax!

Jurassic Parkalypse
I'm just saying, the science makes sense, and it's probably happening right now.

Oprah-calypse
Now that her show has ended, Oprah is finding herself with more time on her hands and less to do to fill it. Given enough time, anyone with that much power in the media comes to dream of only one thing... world domination. Just say Noprah.

Fanshawe-calypse
It begins with domination in sports and academics and then, before you know it, each of the campuses reveals that it's hiding part of a super-laser more powerful than the Transformers and the Care Bears combined. You know how campus parking tickets warn you not to ignore them? Don't.