OH MY GOSH, JUST EAT.

An instruction that should seem like a simple task was extremely difficult for Kim, a 26-year-old who starting suffering from bulimia nervosa when she was 13. Kim wished to be identified by her first name only for the duration of this article.

Philip Masson, psychologist at the Adult Eating Disorder Service at London Health Sciences Centre (LHSC), explained that eating disorders are a mental health illness that distorts a person’s perspective of their body weight and affects their identity, worth and self esteem.

“I think it was a lot of things that contributed to my eating disorder. Big or small. In between. Personal. Environmental. Maybe a predisposition,” Kim explained.

Masson explained that people with bulimia nervosa experience periods of eating followed by purging (intentionally expelling food from the body by vomiting or by using laxatives).

Often, a person with bulimia will also have anorexia nervosa with symptoms such as restricting the amount of calories they eat and exercising compulsively. Health problems as a result of bulimia nervosa include kidney problems, dehydration and digestive problems. Frequent vomiting damages the teeth, mouth and throat.

“I think on some level I knew that what I was doing was harmful, but I also had this mentality that I was in complete control so it can’t be that harmful,” Kim said.

Eating disorders are not merely a diet that happened to go wrong, but rather an extreme lifestyle change that becomes the main focus of a person’s life.

Masson explained that for the majority of people, dieting seems to be something that initiates an eating disorder because of positive feedback from others and because they are happy with the results. They feel more in control and therefore are able to diet further and with more restrictions.

“At some point the body is just really hungry and when the body is really hungry it kind of takes over and doesn’t really care what you want to do anymore, even if you’re trying to diet, and that will cause an eating binge,” Masson said.

Masson clarified that while dieting does not automatically progress into an eating order, people with bulimia nervosa will have an overwhelming feeling of guilt when breaking a diet.

In her early years at high school, Kim’s mom encouraged her to seek the help of a counsellor. She said her sessions provided a positive outlook but also felt forced. However, upon attempting post-secondary for the fourth time, this time being the pre-health sciences program at Fanshawe, Kim knew things needed to be different.

“I knew that I needed to put things into place, a support system for lack of a better word, so that if things got tough, I could be accountable,” Kim said. “I worked with my counsellor for all of 2014 when I did pre-health and she was by far the best fit I’ve ever had with a health professional.”

Kim was surprised by the connection that she felt with her counselor and how beneficial it was to have someone who believed in her recovery and was rooting for her progress.

“It was the first time someone truly allowed me to believe I could do it, all on my own.”

Counselling is one of many services available and helpful to people struggling with an eating disorder. When an eating disorder is severe it is necessary to seek medical assistance to help aid in recovery.

“Treatment can be beneficial in giving you the tools necessary to work through issues and cope better individually,” Kim said. “I don’t think there is a one size fits all formula. My journey looks vastly different than someone else’s, but I think everyone, no matter what their journey looks like, needs to be absolutely willing to do whatever it takes.”

While recovery has been a long road and Kim has overcome the ugliest and likely the toughest part of her disorder, she still has days that are tougher than others. While she is happy with her progress, she sometimes questions why it took her so long to reach a point in her life that others did so long ago. A large majority of her friends are married, have children and are settled into their career while she is just in the beginning stages of completing a post-secondary education.

“I spend some time in those moments telling myself that I’ve literally clawed my way up from the bottom. My progress may have been slow, but it was progress. The person I was five years ago could not be doing the things I’m doing today.”

A dramatically reduced intake of food affects the body in many ways and major health issues can arise including a dramatic weight loss, heart and kidney problems, low blood iron, bone density loss, digestive problems, low heart rate and blood pressure and fertility problems in women. Some cases (up to 10 per cent of people) die due to health complications or suicide.

Despite the self-worth of a person with an eating disorder heavily depending on their appearance, an eating disorder should not be mistaken for vanity or a personality flaw.

“I want to stress that it isn’t a choice. People don’t get eating disorders because of the media or Barbies and that’s an incredibly dangerous stereotype to promote,” Kim said. “It is an illness and recovery isn’t a straight trajectory. It isn’t the same for everyone.”

Kim described her journey as a work in progress and while full recovery sometimes is seen as impossible, she believes that it is possible to be fully recovered and separated from the disorder.

“I’d just tell people that recovery is possible, even if they roll their eyes when reading it, even if they can’t believe it. It is possible. We do not have to be prisoners of ourselves forever.”

Kim has now reached a place where she is more positive and stronger than she was before. Her personal journey and recovery is a true testament to the battle she has faced and overcome.

“If this illness feels right now like a cage, please try to hear me; [the cage] isn’t locked, it has been open all along, you are free to go.”