CREDIT: LIGHTHOUSE PICTURES
As long as the money keeps flowing, the Grumpy Cat merchandise line will continue to stain our society.

Christmas isn’t just about snowflakes and grumpy old mall Santas. It’s not about gingerbread cookies, eggnog or spending time with family either. The holiday season has but one eternal purpose – inspiring dozens of weird, awful, quirky and sometimes scarring Christmas movies. Now I’m not talking about the zany classics like How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I’m talking about the low budget and unsettling films like Treevenge, where a mob of evergreen trees become sentient and enact a bloody revenge on all the humans that cut down their brethren for Christmas trees. If that sounds better than watching Frosty the Snowman for the billionth time, keep reading.

Santa Claus (1959)

Also known as Santa Claus Vs. The Devil, this film sees Santa pitted against Lucifer’s chief demon, Pitch. The demon sets about to sabotage Santa by making the children of Earth, which in this movie is apparently just five, hate the jolly old man. Lucky for Santa Claus, his space workshop is equipped with all kinds of gadgets to spy on Pitch and prepare against his nefarious plot. Santa is able to best the five children, big surprise, but can’t quite outwit the demon who spots Mr. Clause trapped up a tree by a vicious dog. Instead of destroying Santa, Pitch alerts the fire department of a fire at a nearby house so as to expose Santa to the masses. Lucky for Santa, his friend Merlin the Wizard saves the day with a split second escape. Pitch the demon is later defeated when he’s doused by a fire hose because obviously that’s a demon’s biggest weakness... Once again, space Santa delivers a solid Christmas.

Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (1979)

This movie had all the makings of a Rankin and Bass classic. Legendary characters such as Rudolph, Frosty and Santa Claus all make a return brought to life by their original voice actors to celebrate Christmas in July. Unfortunately, an evil wizard, Winterbolt, and the reindeer that was fired when Rudolph became part of the sleigh team, Scratcher, plague them. The plot is horribly convoluted and the main villain wouldn’t even have thought of his own scheme if not for a talking cave and a magic snowball. The most exciting part of this movie is seeing a plethora of characters pop up like Mrs. Claus, Jack Frost and Frosty’s family. Unfortunately that’s it though. The songs aren’t catchy in the slightest and often have little to do with the plot. Speaking of the plot, it seems to have been scraped from the bottom of the idea barrel and then forced into an hour and a half long exercise in patience. I won’t say much about the content quality other than saying it is the equivalent of a two paragraph high school essay that needed to be fluffed out into a four-page report based on a book that the student never opened.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014)

After being neglected for many years by potential adopters, Grumpy Cat develops a cynical outlook on life while living in a pet shop at the mall. A little girl named Chrystal happens to come by Grumpy Cat and finds out she can understand her thoughts. Through their special bond Grumpy Cat prevents the kidnapping of a dog she dislikes and later saves Chrystal after the mall closes on Christmas Eve. A weak plotline and awful voice acting for a memed cat proves to be an atrocious excuse for beating a dead horse. As long as the money keeps flowing, the Grumpy Cat merchandise line will continue to stain our society. Good riddance.

Elves (1989)

Every so often the world is gifted with a movie so bad that it’s actually pretty darn great. After all, what’s better than anti-Christmas witches, Nazi elves, senseless murder and an ex cop/ex mall cop/ ex private eye/homeless drunk/ mall Santa protagonist. It turns out that Hitler’s master race wasn’t the Aryans, it was a bizarre cross breeding of humans and elves. This movie continues to amaze by getting worse at every possible turn, to the point where it becomes comical. The only atrocities that come close to this bizarre plot are Trolls 2 and The Room.

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

This little known holiday gem was only ever aired once before getting permanently swept under the rug. Due to an overwhelmingly negative reaction and George Lucas’ own personal dismay, the special was never aired again or released on DVD. The movie was a musical that focused on Han Solo and Chewbacca’s journey to Chewie’s home world of Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day. The only lasting plotline of the holiday special is the character Boba Fett who was introduced for the first time during a cartoon aired within the movie itself. The holiday special should definitely be watched more as a “rage quite challenge” than an actual family movie night, as it is the equivalent of every single Jar Jar Binks scene aired back to back. Anyone can watch all of its cringe worthy glory on YouTube thanks to fans who taped the original airing back in 1978.