CREDIT: SONY MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT
Aaron Carter praying that he can fit in with today's youth.

Aaron Carter, brother of Backstreet Boys heartthrob Nick Carter, has decided that 2017 is a good year for his comeback. I mean if a giant cheeto can successfully lie his way into a presidency, anything is possible, right? Wrong. Carter’s EP came out of the trash heap on Feb. 10, but it should have gone straight into an incinerator. The EP was cursed with the title LøVë, that’s right LøVë, because writing the word normally would have been too basic for another blonde, boy-band pop star.

Carter’s comeback is the musical equivalent to dropping a slice of toast butter side down on your friend’s dirty kitchen floor. The only redeeming quality of this release is that it’s only five songs long. That’s right, it took Carter over 15 years to get through five tracks. It’s not like they’re brilliant masterpieces either.

The cover art of LøVë shows Carter desperately praying for some decent lyrics to pop into his head. Such gems as “if you don’t wanna stay, you ain’t gotta stay” and the unforgettable chorus of “she’ll be, she’ll be, she’ll be, sooner or later she’ll be” don’t inspire a lot of confidence in Carter’s writing capabilities. Heck, most of Carter’s choruses consist of about four or five words repeated over and over again, but at least it’s better than a Trump speech. Clearly Carter’s time on Dancing with the Stars wasn’t the muse he had hoped for.

The EP opens with three tropical- house tracks taken from Justin Bieber and Skrillex’s reject pile. It’s not necessarily a terrible thing, the songs slip seamlessly into the blur of dime a dozen pop tracks. I’m sure that Bieber and Skrillex will both enjoy an increase in listeners if any of Carter’s tracks get radio play. The similarities between himself and Bieber don’t end when the music does.

On the EP cover Carter looks like Justin Bieber 20 years down the road – if he hit rock bottom, went bankrupt, had kids and desperately wanted to prove he was still ‘with it’. The slicked back blonde undercut screams like a basic white girl, “I’m trying really hard to fit in right now! Is it working? Oh God I hope this is working.”

Getting back to the music of LøVë, the first song with any shred of originality is “Same Way”. Well, perhaps that’s being too generous, I should say that it’s the first song that doesn’t wreak of Bieber’s last album. Unfortunately, the song takes a pretty significant dive from the previous three rip offs, what a shame. Carter seizes an opportunity to try his hand at some brief rapping in this track but sadly, just because he can dance doesn’t necessarily mean that he has rhythm.

All in all nothing on the LøVë EP stands out for longer than a few seconds. By the end of the first listen you’ve forgotten every lyric he’s sung and by the end of the fourth listen, all the songs just blur together.

LøVë is so cautious and bland that I’d rather be stuck in a Home Depot comparing different shades of white paint. There’s absolutely no replay value, no lyrical depth and no variation from the pop formula.

It literally sounds like this EP was put through a pop music app and printed out on the “fast draft black and white” setting.

Rest in peace Aaron Carter’s already long dead career.

Rating: 1 out of 5