Support staffers glee in pennies
College support staff workers province wide are rejoicing in their latest financial gain. Support staffers have never been used to large salary gains, but the feeling this time around is that they finally “padded their cheque books.”
Local OPSEU honchos declined comment on the issue because we failed to call them, but also because we knew they were still busy contesting the college's findings in the messy “laying of the hands” incident in the southeastern part of the campus, and were drafting yet another letter to the local daily owned by some company in Toronto, which is owned by some bigger company in Quebec and we didn't want to veer them from their tunnel vision. However, support staffers were more than happy to share their thoughts.
“After the province shuffled the pay bands I really thought I was going to owe the system money,” said Vernon Rockefeller, “but when it was all said and done I think I'll be ahead about a buck and half, good for one Timmy's. God I love this place.”
Some weren't as lucky as Rockefeller.
“I was ready to step up to the next pay band,” said Jackie Touziat. “I've been here 12 years working away and now with this new structure I've been shuffled to the bottom again, at least I know with another 12 years of service I'll be where I should have been a lot earlier in my career. It's just another opportunity for me to prove my worth. I know what I'll be doing with my four cents a cheque raise, a penny every two weeks for each of my kids. They're thrilled.”
So thrilled are support staff workers in general they're even taunting their faculty brethren, who in years past have always had boat loads of dollars thrown at them.
“We've arrived as a union. Now we're making the big bucks,” said Jerry Madstash. “I ask the faculty union who's laughing at who? Last year you went on strike, and the only thing you got was more money than you asked for, now we're finally being looked after.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Local OPSEU honchos declined comment on the issue because we failed to call them, but also because we knew they were still busy contesting the college's findings in the messy “laying of the hands” incident in the southeastern part of the campus, and were drafting yet another letter to the local daily owned by some company in Toronto, which is owned by some bigger company in Quebec and we didn't want to veer them from their tunnel vision. However, support staffers were more than happy to share their thoughts.
“After the province shuffled the pay bands I really thought I was going to owe the system money,” said Vernon Rockefeller, “but when it was all said and done I think I'll be ahead about a buck and half, good for one Timmy's. God I love this place.”
Some weren't as lucky as Rockefeller.
“I was ready to step up to the next pay band,” said Jackie Touziat. “I've been here 12 years working away and now with this new structure I've been shuffled to the bottom again, at least I know with another 12 years of service I'll be where I should have been a lot earlier in my career. It's just another opportunity for me to prove my worth. I know what I'll be doing with my four cents a cheque raise, a penny every two weeks for each of my kids. They're thrilled.”
So thrilled are support staff workers in general they're even taunting their faculty brethren, who in years past have always had boat loads of dollars thrown at them.
“We've arrived as a union. Now we're making the big bucks,” said Jerry Madstash. “I ask the faculty union who's laughing at who? Last year you went on strike, and the only thing you got was more money than you asked for, now we're finally being looked after.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
